these are actual chats between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying, and anyone can end the conversation at any time. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited
contains explicit material
[it was also two males - somebody was fibbing]
Question to discuss:
what do you think of porn?
Tori: it's ok
Uke: awesome lol
Tori: I don't watch so much now.
Uke: it helps me get better in bed with my boyfriend
Tori: really?
Uke: yes
Uke: lol
Tori: helps you find his g-spot?
Uke: why do you think girls know how to do good things
Uke: lol
Uke: no
Uke: it helps me know how to suck his dick good how
Tori: practice :P
Uke: to ride him good
Uke: lol
Tori: my way is trial and error xD
Tori: see what she likes
Uke: lol
Uke: i remember when i first suked dick
Uke: i almost died
Tori: sheash
Uke: and bit him by accident
Tori: haha
Uke: thats when i discovered porn
Tori: did he introduce you to watching porn?
Uke: no lol
Uke: i googled
Uke: how to be good at sex
Uke: lol
Tori: lol
Uke: and now im like alexis texas
Tori: google is always the answer
Uke: lol
Uke: right!1
Uke: but only with my man
Uke: n whore shit
Tori: I don't know who that is. I guess a pornstar though
Uke: no*
Uke: yepp
Uke: alexistexas.com
Tori: My gf usually swallows. She pretended to swallow once and then kissed me.
Uke: lol EW
Tori: I spat it out xD
Tori: I didn't like the taste
Uke: my boyfriend came in my mouth and it hit the back of my throat
Tori: she laughed xD
Uke: and i ran to the bathroom
Tori: did you choke?
Uke: and almost vomited
Uke: lol
Uke: non
Uke: no
Tori: why was it bad?
Tori: the taste?
Uke: no it just hit the thing
Uke: the back of the throat
Uke: like i always swallo
Tori: it hit your uvula?
Uke: yes!
Uke: lol
Tori: lol
Uke: the first time we had sex
Uke: i opened my mouth when he started
Uke: to cum and it went in my eye
Uke: and my nose
Tori: what was that like?
Uke: he started laughing
Uke: FACIAL
Tori: I wouldn't laugh
Uke: not that bad
Tori: I would think
Tori: it was really sexy
Uke: well he said it was hot but the face i made was like a surprised face
Tori: nice :D
Tori: even hotter
Uke: because i opened my eye and t was like right there going to my eye
Uke: lol
Uke: *********.tumblr.com
Tori: what's the link?
Uke: my tumblr
Tori: ok :)
Uke: you can msg me there
Uke: or whateva :D
Tori: mhmm :)
Uke: what do you think about eating girls out
Uke: lol
Tori: it tastes nice :)
Tori: I don't mind hair either :)
Uke: i had sex with a girl once
Uke: i hated it
Tori: oooo :)
Uke: like we were 69ing it
Uke: and
Uke: she was dripping on my face
Tori: I would fucking love that
Uke: lol not the way she tasted
Tori: oh
Uke: like she didnt taste right lol
Tori: I haven't tasted anyone else
Tori: from my gf
Uke: oh my
Uke: lol
Uke: my boyfriend says he loves the way i taste
Uke: he always wants to do it
Tori: yay :D
Tori: xD
Uke: LOL
Uke: :D
Uke: has your girl ever queffed lol
Uke: or however you spell it
Tori: no
Tori: she farted once when I was licking her
Uke: LMFAO
Tori: we laughed
Uke: OMG
Tori: I held my nose and carried on
Uke: i would have like
Uke: died
Tori: lol
Uke: thats so embarrassing
Tori: not really, it was a laugh
Uke: lol
Uke: i would have like cried
Uke: lol
Tori: lol
Tori: if you farted or if he farted?
Uke: either of us lol
Tori: lol
Tori: my gf really likes tickling me
Uke: i lov tickling my boyfriend
Uke: love
Tori: I never thought about it before her xD
Tori: I like being tickled now :)
Uke: awh
Uke: how cute
Tori: thanks xD
Uke: mhm
Uke: ;0
Uke: :)
Tori: :)
Uke: well im tired
Tori: ok :)
Uke: night!! msg me on tumblr if youd like
Tori: I might talk to you on tumblr :)
Uke: kayy byeeee
Uke: oh cool!
Uke: :)
Tori: bye :)
Tori: sweet dreams ;)
Uke has disconnected
Thursday, 24 October 2013
Saturday, 12 October 2013
anonymous chats: what do you think of porn?
note: these are actual chats between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying, and anyone can end the conversation at any time. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited
Question to discuss:
what do you think of porn?
Tori: No
Tori: No
Uke: I like it :]
Tori: And....
Tori: WHAT?
Tori: Have you even seen it?
Uke: Lol you're going to try argue with basically 100% of the male population
Uke: Obviously I have..
Tori: AHAHAHAHHAHA
Uke: ?
Tori: Tell me...doesnt it give u viruses?
Uke: Um no.. Not if you're fucking smart enough to not click those stupid fucking ads and shit lol
Tori: I mean....why would you watch it? Are males just that desperate?
Tori: Oh haha
Uke: Lol
Uke: It's not that
Tori: ....or do theyy have needs?
Uke: Yeah
Uke: Not every guy has the luxury of spending every night with a gorgeous woman :P
Tori: xD so you watch another guy having one?
Uke: Occasionally.. The norm is to watch girl on girl haha
Tori: I know this sounds weird but....do you (or boys) watch a vid more than twice?
Tori: Girl on girl? 0.0
Uke: Like the same vid?
Tori: Yea
Uke: You know.. Lesbian
Tori: Oh...yea
Uke: I've only ever watched one vid more than once and only because it was amazing :D
Tori: Amazing? How so?
Tori: Wait a sec! Dont tell me!!!!!
Uke: Why? Haha
Tori: This is just too fast
Uke: Too fast? Hahaha
Tori: Do you ever feel guilty even a lil after?
Uke: We are strangers to each other though
Tori: Yea...too fast:)
Uke: Yes naturally, do you have kik or something so we can talk there??
Tori: Uh sorry i dont
Uke: All good, this will do :P
Tori: Ok:)
Uke: You know most couples actually watch porn together
Tori: Really? Omg!
Tori: 0-0
Uke: Yeah :P
Uke: For educational purposes and such
Tori: Gtg nice meeting ya:)
Uke: How old are you if I may ask?
Tori: 16 hahah
Uke: Hahaha
Uke: Still only young
Tori: U?
Uke: I'm 18
Uke: 2 years is a big difference when you're a teen ;)
Tori: Wow..k cya
Uke: You learn alot of new things
Tori: Yea
Uke: Byee
Tori: Yup
Tori: BYeE and thnx i guess
Question to discuss:
what do you think of porn?
Tori: Wow, good question.
Uke: Hi.
Tori: I don't really know what to think, on one side there's the fact I enjoy watching it occasionally, on the other I feel it's an awful thing.
Tori: It encourages unsafe sex, it gives people the wrong impression of what sex actually is and it changes our standards.
Uke: I hate it with a fiery passion.
Tori: Sometimes it lowers than, most of the time it highers them unnaturally.
Tori: Well, I can't hate it, because that'd be hypocritical - to be quite frank I don't get much sex and my imagination isn't all that, I rely on porn almost to relief myself when, well, you know.
Uke: I like girls with kitty ears and tail though.
Tori: We all do, man. We all do.
Uke: I'm not a man.
Tori: We all do, woman. We all do.
Uke: I'm not a woman.
Tori: We all do, we all do.
Uke: Good.
Tori: Nice chatting to you then, um... buddy.
Tori has disconnected
Question to discuss:
what do you think of porn?
Tori: I like it :P
Tori: I'm not sure about the morality of it
Tori: but I tend not to think about that :P
Uke: It's evil
Uke: Tool of the devil
Uke: y'all motherfuckers need jesus
Tori: It doesn't seem to affect me in other areas of life though
Tori: So I don't see really a problem
Uke: It's probably kinda healthy
Uke: Burning calories
Tori: Haha
Tori: endorphins :P
Uke: Could help your physical performance
Uke: And yeah
Uke: Those help you be happier
Uke: Reduce chances of depression and other mood disorders
Tori: There was a study proving that looking at boobs every day makes you healthire :P
Uke: But still
Uke: Jesus
Tori: What about him?
Uke: Uhm
Uke: well
Uke: Y'know
Uke: Bible
Uke: God
Uke: Heaven
Uke: Hell
Uke: Second Testament?
Tori: I don't believe in God or the Bibile
Tori: *Bible
Uke: And that's why your totally going to hell
Tori: Haha
Tori: I don't believe that I am though
Uke: Probs
Tori: Do you want me to commit to something I don't believe in?
Uke: Y'all need to realise that y'all making a fool out of yourself to tha lord
Uke: If i could type in that accent
Uke: I totally would
Uke: And just preach random religious stuff
Tori: HAHAHA
Tori: I don't BELIEVE it though
Uke: And it doesn't BELIEVE in you either!!!11
Uke: How do you like it?!
Uke: Yeah
Uke: That's what i thought
Uke: praise jesus leik a tru christian <333333~~~~
Tori: A christian wouldn't say that god doesn't believe in me
Uke: Oh
Uke: Well then
Uke: Back to the drawing board
Tori: And I don't like it just as much as I do like it
Tori: which is not at all
Uke: Sounds pretty neutral
Tori: exactly
Uke: I like the idea of reincarnation
Tori: it doesn't affect me cause I don't believe it's there in the first palce
Uke: That seems cool
Uke: So i'm gonna believe in that
Uke: But not the whole, if you were bad you come back as a worm thing
Uke: Just you come back as a different living thing
Uke: Reguardless of if you were Mother Teresa or Hitler
Tori: it seems cool, so you believe it??
Uke: I do now
Tori: seems a bit shallow
Uke: Well it doesn't really affect me either.
Uke: As it's not based on anything i do in this life
Uke: And if it's true, i won't remember being me anyway
Tori: Huh
Tori: But Karma
Tori: reincarnation is when you come back as something based on your actions in this life
Uke: Karma is super annoying, with her stun chain thingy
Tori: be a dick and you come back as a worm
Tori: be awesme and you come back as a prince
Uke: In my version, it's just some sort of energy recycling flow thing
Uke: There might be souls involved
Uke: The soul is the energy
Uke: And it just hops around
Tori: k
Uke: And when you're a soul
Uke: You can remember all your past lives
Uke: As everything you have ever lived as
Tori: Huh
Uke: But the mortal physical brain of a living thing doesn't allow that sort of spectral information
Uke: And it's totally new, the brain itself hasn't experienced anything
Uke: Which is why the organism can't remember the other lives
Uke: But the soul can when it's free of a body
Uke: That's my new religion/faith/whatever-it's-called
Tori: wow
Tori: onya
Uke: Thank you
Uke: What do you believe in?
Tori: no god :P
Uke: No nothing?
Tori: some nothing
Tori: some something
Uke: Which nothing
Uke: And which something
Tori: humans. the body. the earth
Tori: the universe
Tori: and no ethereal deities
Uke: Sounds like fun on the bun
Uke: Though not as much fun on the bun as my bun
Tori: Haha
Tori: Well it's not about what sounds fun
Tori: it's about what you think is true
Uke: With death that's kinda ultimately final, i reckon it can be what ever people want it to be
Tori: Hmm
Tori: I think death is just the end of it
Tori: no heaven
Tori: no reincarnation
Tori: just
Tori: blank
Uke: That's boring
Uke: No one wants blank
Tori: I know
Tori: I hate it
Uke: Sould hopping is soooo much more cooler
Tori: but that's what I think happens
Uke: *Soul
Uke: Is sould a word?
Uke: Souldering iron?
Tori: soulder is
Tori: not sould
Uke: Not the past tense of solder?
Uke: *Soulder
Uke: My computer isn't showing those little red lines
Tori: :P
Uke: So forgive any spelling mistakes i don't correct
Tori: kk
Uke: Words i reckon i've got wrong, ultimately and reguardless
Tori: :P
Uke: Anywho
Uke: What'cha doin'?
Tori: Not a lot
Tori: just listenin to musics
Uke: Which musics?
Uke: I NEED TO KNOW!
Uke: I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW
Uke: WILL YA LOVE ME FOREVER
Uke: DO YA NEED ME
Uke: WILL YA NEVER LEAVE
Uke: ME
Uke: WILL YA MAKE ME SO HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Uke: WILL YA TAKE ME AWAY, WILL YA MAKE ME YOUR WIFE
Uke: I gotta know right now
Uke: Before we go any further
Uke: Do ya love me, will ya love me forever
Uke: Gee stranger
Uke: I serenade you, and no reaction?
Tori: SORRY
Tori: oh
Tori: right now
Uke: YOU BETTER BE!
Uke: YOU WILL BE
Tori: Infected Mushroom
Uke: I'LL MAKE SURE OF THAT!
Uke: Never heard of it
Uke: But i like the sound of it
Tori: it is pretty chill
Uke: That was Paradise by the Dashboard light by Meatloaf
Uke: Just so ya know
Tori: :O
Tori: ohkay
Uke: Also a pretty chill song
Tori: rad
Uke: I enjoy it
Uke: And how's your day going
Uke: Havin fun?
Tori: mm
Tori: im tired
Tori: n bored
Tori: haha
Uke: I don't seem to need sleep anymore
Tori: yeah
Tori: same
Tori: :/
Uke: Been getting less and less sleep, and feeling less and less tired
Tori: Really?
Tori: Wow
Uke: Really truly
Uke: Might do an all nighter tonight
Uke: Get stuff done
Uke: And if i do, no harm done
Uke: With Sunday tomorrow
Tori: nice
Uke: Yeah, should be fun
Uke: Though one of the projects, there's two, is just some essay
Uke: Which are super easy
Uke: I could do that one day easy
Uke: So it may not be an ALL nighter
Uke: Just super early morning nighter
Tori: Ohh
Uke: Alrighty
Uke: I made my bed
Tori: Ohkay
Uke: And now i might not have to sleep in it
Tori: Haha
Tori: that's how it workts
Uke: You got any work you need to finish?
Tori: Nope
Uke: Any outstanding assingments
Uke: I'm sure you have a lot of outstanding assignments
Tori: Nope
Uke: But you seem like such a good worker
Uke: I've been getting less and less productive as the year draws to a close
Tori: Ohh noes
Uke: I have left like, the last 4 assignments to the very final minute
Uke: I am just so over work right now
Uke: But, only a bit more of that for a year
Uke: Then i get like, the longest holidays ever
Uke: Which will be awesome
Uke: I plan to be very productive during those
Uke: Whenever i find something i want to do, but i can't do because it would take time away from current work
Uke: I'd just say, i'll do it in the holidays
Uke: And so now i've got a whole list of things to do
Tori: Awh
Uke: I'm gonna learn to draw, i'm gonna learn German, i'm gonna exercise a whole lot, i'm gonna train my dog some more
Uke: It's gonna be great
Uke: Oh, and i'm gonna write some stories
Uke: And i'll have so much more game time
Uke: Because y'know
Uke: Creativity is always super fun
Uke: But i just need that last minute stress motivation to come around
Uke: Then i can get along to doing that
Uke: What're you gonna do later?
Tori: uhm
Tori: dunno
Tori: i have a wedding to go to
Uke: Is it yours?
Tori: nah man
Tori: my uncle haha
Uke: Are you married?
Tori: nah I'm 18 haha
Uke: Do you wanna get married?
Tori: One day yeah
Tori: for sure
Uke: Anyone caught your eye for that?
Tori: I have a gf
Tori: but I'm not sure it'll get that far
Uke: Any specific reason?
Uke: Or just too early to tell
Tori: Uhm
Tori: just a feeling I geuss
Uke: Lets hope that feeling changes
Uke: To a deep longing love
Tori: dunno
Uke: Or not
Uke: If you don't feel that way
Uke: I won't send out any positive energy without your permission
Tori: Haha
Tori: :P
Uke: It's been quite awhile since i went to a wedding
Tori: Ahkay
Uke: I actually didn't know the people all that well
Uke: So it was kinda awkward
Uke: Well, maybe not awkward
Uke: But
Uke: Y'know
Tori: Oh
Uke: Made some friends though
Tori: i am off
Tori: sorry
Uke: No you're not
Tori: not off, or not sorry?
Uke: Not off
Tori: Haha
Uke: Your shift isn't over
Uke: Where're you going?
Tori: Haha
Tori: to bed
Tori: it's getting late
Uke: What's the time, Mr. Wolf?
Tori: nearly 12
Uke: Well then
Uke: I'll be here if you want to chat again
Tori: kk
Uke: Ask for Xxxxx
Tori: cyaaa
Uke: Cya laterz
Tori: Xxxxx?
Uke: Xxxxx
Tori: You are Xxxxx?
Tori: Cool
Uke: I am Xxxxx
Tori: I'm Xxxx
Uke: Been Xxxxxall my life
Uke: Hiya Xxxx
Tori: Haha
Uke: I knew a Xxxx
Tori: It was me
Tori: I became a ninja
Tori: now I am back
Uke: Oh! Well it's great to see you again
Uke: I've heard being a Ninja is very rewarding
Tori: ya
Uke: I might think of trying out for one too
Tori: do it
Uke: Aye-aye, Capt'n
Uke: But
Uke: That would be a holiday thing too
Uke: Gee i can't wait for holidays
Uke: They're gonna be Holly's Days
Tori: HAHA
Uke: Well that was creepy
Uke: Sounded like someone was knocking into walls
Uke: Probs just a demon though
Uke has disconnected
Question to discuss:
what do you think of porn?
Tori: No
Tori: No
Uke: I like it :]
Tori: And....
Tori: WHAT?
Tori: Have you even seen it?
Uke: Lol you're going to try argue with basically 100% of the male population
Uke: Obviously I have..
Tori: AHAHAHAHHAHA
Uke: ?
Tori: Tell me...doesnt it give u viruses?
Uke: Um no.. Not if you're fucking smart enough to not click those stupid fucking ads and shit lol
Tori: I mean....why would you watch it? Are males just that desperate?
Tori: Oh haha
Uke: Lol
Uke: It's not that
Tori: ....or do theyy have needs?
Uke: Yeah
Uke: Not every guy has the luxury of spending every night with a gorgeous woman :P
Tori: xD so you watch another guy having one?
Uke: Occasionally.. The norm is to watch girl on girl haha
Tori: I know this sounds weird but....do you (or boys) watch a vid more than twice?
Tori: Girl on girl? 0.0
Uke: Like the same vid?
Tori: Yea
Uke: You know.. Lesbian
Tori: Oh...yea
Uke: I've only ever watched one vid more than once and only because it was amazing :D
Tori: Amazing? How so?
Tori: Wait a sec! Dont tell me!!!!!
Uke: Why? Haha
Tori: This is just too fast
Uke: Too fast? Hahaha
Tori: Do you ever feel guilty even a lil after?
Uke: We are strangers to each other though
Tori: Yea...too fast:)
Uke: Yes naturally, do you have kik or something so we can talk there??
Tori: Uh sorry i dont
Uke: All good, this will do :P
Tori: Ok:)
Uke: You know most couples actually watch porn together
Tori: Really? Omg!
Tori: 0-0
Uke: Yeah :P
Uke: For educational purposes and such
Tori: Gtg nice meeting ya:)
Uke: How old are you if I may ask?
Tori: 16 hahah
Uke: Hahaha
Uke: Still only young
Tori: U?
Uke: I'm 18
Uke: 2 years is a big difference when you're a teen ;)
Tori: Wow..k cya
Uke: You learn alot of new things
Tori: Yea
Uke: Byee
Tori: Yup
Tori: BYeE and thnx i guess
Question to discuss:
what do you think of porn?
Tori: Wow, good question.
Uke: Hi.
Tori: I don't really know what to think, on one side there's the fact I enjoy watching it occasionally, on the other I feel it's an awful thing.
Tori: It encourages unsafe sex, it gives people the wrong impression of what sex actually is and it changes our standards.
Uke: I hate it with a fiery passion.
Tori: Sometimes it lowers than, most of the time it highers them unnaturally.
Tori: Well, I can't hate it, because that'd be hypocritical - to be quite frank I don't get much sex and my imagination isn't all that, I rely on porn almost to relief myself when, well, you know.
Uke: I like girls with kitty ears and tail though.
Tori: We all do, man. We all do.
Uke: I'm not a man.
Tori: We all do, woman. We all do.
Uke: I'm not a woman.
Tori: We all do, we all do.
Uke: Good.
Tori: Nice chatting to you then, um... buddy.
Tori has disconnected
Question to discuss:
what do you think of porn?
Tori: I like it :P
Tori: I'm not sure about the morality of it
Tori: but I tend not to think about that :P
Uke: It's evil
Uke: Tool of the devil
Uke: y'all motherfuckers need jesus
Tori: It doesn't seem to affect me in other areas of life though
Tori: So I don't see really a problem
Uke: It's probably kinda healthy
Uke: Burning calories
Tori: Haha
Tori: endorphins :P
Uke: Could help your physical performance
Uke: And yeah
Uke: Those help you be happier
Uke: Reduce chances of depression and other mood disorders
Tori: There was a study proving that looking at boobs every day makes you healthire :P
Uke: But still
Uke: Jesus
Tori: What about him?
Uke: Uhm
Uke: well
Uke: Y'know
Uke: Bible
Uke: God
Uke: Heaven
Uke: Hell
Uke: Second Testament?
Tori: I don't believe in God or the Bibile
Tori: *Bible
Uke: And that's why your totally going to hell
Tori: Haha
Tori: I don't believe that I am though
Uke: Probs
Tori: Do you want me to commit to something I don't believe in?
Uke: Y'all need to realise that y'all making a fool out of yourself to tha lord
Uke: If i could type in that accent
Uke: I totally would
Uke: And just preach random religious stuff
Tori: HAHAHA
Tori: I don't BELIEVE it though
Uke: And it doesn't BELIEVE in you either!!!11
Uke: How do you like it?!
Uke: Yeah
Uke: That's what i thought
Uke: praise jesus leik a tru christian <333333~~~~
Tori: A christian wouldn't say that god doesn't believe in me
Uke: Oh
Uke: Well then
Uke: Back to the drawing board
Tori: And I don't like it just as much as I do like it
Tori: which is not at all
Uke: Sounds pretty neutral
Tori: exactly
Uke: I like the idea of reincarnation
Tori: it doesn't affect me cause I don't believe it's there in the first palce
Uke: That seems cool
Uke: So i'm gonna believe in that
Uke: But not the whole, if you were bad you come back as a worm thing
Uke: Just you come back as a different living thing
Uke: Reguardless of if you were Mother Teresa or Hitler
Tori: it seems cool, so you believe it??
Uke: I do now
Tori: seems a bit shallow
Uke: Well it doesn't really affect me either.
Uke: As it's not based on anything i do in this life
Uke: And if it's true, i won't remember being me anyway
Tori: Huh
Tori: But Karma
Tori: reincarnation is when you come back as something based on your actions in this life
Uke: Karma is super annoying, with her stun chain thingy
Tori: be a dick and you come back as a worm
Tori: be awesme and you come back as a prince
Uke: In my version, it's just some sort of energy recycling flow thing
Uke: There might be souls involved
Uke: The soul is the energy
Uke: And it just hops around
Tori: k
Uke: And when you're a soul
Uke: You can remember all your past lives
Uke: As everything you have ever lived as
Tori: Huh
Uke: But the mortal physical brain of a living thing doesn't allow that sort of spectral information
Uke: And it's totally new, the brain itself hasn't experienced anything
Uke: Which is why the organism can't remember the other lives
Uke: But the soul can when it's free of a body
Uke: That's my new religion/faith/whatever-it's-called
Tori: wow
Tori: onya
Uke: Thank you
Uke: What do you believe in?
Tori: no god :P
Uke: No nothing?
Tori: some nothing
Tori: some something
Uke: Which nothing
Uke: And which something
Tori: humans. the body. the earth
Tori: the universe
Tori: and no ethereal deities
Uke: Sounds like fun on the bun
Uke: Though not as much fun on the bun as my bun
Tori: Haha
Tori: Well it's not about what sounds fun
Tori: it's about what you think is true
Uke: With death that's kinda ultimately final, i reckon it can be what ever people want it to be
Tori: Hmm
Tori: I think death is just the end of it
Tori: no heaven
Tori: no reincarnation
Tori: just
Tori: blank
Uke: That's boring
Uke: No one wants blank
Tori: I know
Tori: I hate it
Uke: Sould hopping is soooo much more cooler
Tori: but that's what I think happens
Uke: *Soul
Uke: Is sould a word?
Uke: Souldering iron?
Tori: soulder is
Tori: not sould
Uke: Not the past tense of solder?
Uke: *Soulder
Uke: My computer isn't showing those little red lines
Tori: :P
Uke: So forgive any spelling mistakes i don't correct
Tori: kk
Uke: Words i reckon i've got wrong, ultimately and reguardless
Tori: :P
Uke: Anywho
Uke: What'cha doin'?
Tori: Not a lot
Tori: just listenin to musics
Uke: Which musics?
Uke: I NEED TO KNOW!
Uke: I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW
Uke: WILL YA LOVE ME FOREVER
Uke: DO YA NEED ME
Uke: WILL YA NEVER LEAVE
Uke: ME
Uke: WILL YA MAKE ME SO HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Uke: WILL YA TAKE ME AWAY, WILL YA MAKE ME YOUR WIFE
Uke: I gotta know right now
Uke: Before we go any further
Uke: Do ya love me, will ya love me forever
Uke: Gee stranger
Uke: I serenade you, and no reaction?
Tori: SORRY
Tori: oh
Tori: right now
Uke: YOU BETTER BE!
Uke: YOU WILL BE
Tori: Infected Mushroom
Uke: I'LL MAKE SURE OF THAT!
Uke: Never heard of it
Uke: But i like the sound of it
Tori: it is pretty chill
Uke: That was Paradise by the Dashboard light by Meatloaf
Uke: Just so ya know
Tori: :O
Tori: ohkay
Uke: Also a pretty chill song
Tori: rad
Uke: I enjoy it
Uke: And how's your day going
Uke: Havin fun?
Tori: mm
Tori: im tired
Tori: n bored
Tori: haha
Uke: I don't seem to need sleep anymore
Tori: yeah
Tori: same
Tori: :/
Uke: Been getting less and less sleep, and feeling less and less tired
Tori: Really?
Tori: Wow
Uke: Really truly
Uke: Might do an all nighter tonight
Uke: Get stuff done
Uke: And if i do, no harm done
Uke: With Sunday tomorrow
Tori: nice
Uke: Yeah, should be fun
Uke: Though one of the projects, there's two, is just some essay
Uke: Which are super easy
Uke: I could do that one day easy
Uke: So it may not be an ALL nighter
Uke: Just super early morning nighter
Tori: Ohh
Uke: Alrighty
Uke: I made my bed
Tori: Ohkay
Uke: And now i might not have to sleep in it
Tori: Haha
Tori: that's how it workts
Uke: You got any work you need to finish?
Tori: Nope
Uke: Any outstanding assingments
Uke: I'm sure you have a lot of outstanding assignments
Tori: Nope
Uke: But you seem like such a good worker
Uke: I've been getting less and less productive as the year draws to a close
Tori: Ohh noes
Uke: I have left like, the last 4 assignments to the very final minute
Uke: I am just so over work right now
Uke: But, only a bit more of that for a year
Uke: Then i get like, the longest holidays ever
Uke: Which will be awesome
Uke: I plan to be very productive during those
Uke: Whenever i find something i want to do, but i can't do because it would take time away from current work
Uke: I'd just say, i'll do it in the holidays
Uke: And so now i've got a whole list of things to do
Tori: Awh
Uke: I'm gonna learn to draw, i'm gonna learn German, i'm gonna exercise a whole lot, i'm gonna train my dog some more
Uke: It's gonna be great
Uke: Oh, and i'm gonna write some stories
Uke: And i'll have so much more game time
Uke: Because y'know
Uke: Creativity is always super fun
Uke: But i just need that last minute stress motivation to come around
Uke: Then i can get along to doing that
Uke: What're you gonna do later?
Tori: uhm
Tori: dunno
Tori: i have a wedding to go to
Uke: Is it yours?
Tori: nah man
Tori: my uncle haha
Uke: Are you married?
Tori: nah I'm 18 haha
Uke: Do you wanna get married?
Tori: One day yeah
Tori: for sure
Uke: Anyone caught your eye for that?
Tori: I have a gf
Tori: but I'm not sure it'll get that far
Uke: Any specific reason?
Uke: Or just too early to tell
Tori: Uhm
Tori: just a feeling I geuss
Uke: Lets hope that feeling changes
Uke: To a deep longing love
Tori: dunno
Uke: Or not
Uke: If you don't feel that way
Uke: I won't send out any positive energy without your permission
Tori: Haha
Tori: :P
Uke: It's been quite awhile since i went to a wedding
Tori: Ahkay
Uke: I actually didn't know the people all that well
Uke: So it was kinda awkward
Uke: Well, maybe not awkward
Uke: But
Uke: Y'know
Tori: Oh
Uke: Made some friends though
Tori: i am off
Tori: sorry
Uke: No you're not
Tori: not off, or not sorry?
Uke: Not off
Tori: Haha
Uke: Your shift isn't over
Uke: Where're you going?
Tori: Haha
Tori: to bed
Tori: it's getting late
Uke: What's the time, Mr. Wolf?
Tori: nearly 12
Uke: Well then
Uke: I'll be here if you want to chat again
Tori: kk
Uke: Ask for Xxxxx
Tori: cyaaa
Uke: Cya laterz
Tori: Xxxxx?
Uke: Xxxxx
Tori: You are Xxxxx?
Tori: Cool
Uke: I am Xxxxx
Tori: I'm Xxxx
Uke: Been Xxxxxall my life
Uke: Hiya Xxxx
Tori: Haha
Uke: I knew a Xxxx
Tori: It was me
Tori: I became a ninja
Tori: now I am back
Uke: Oh! Well it's great to see you again
Uke: I've heard being a Ninja is very rewarding
Tori: ya
Uke: I might think of trying out for one too
Tori: do it
Uke: Aye-aye, Capt'n
Uke: But
Uke: That would be a holiday thing too
Uke: Gee i can't wait for holidays
Uke: They're gonna be Holly's Days
Tori: HAHA
Uke: Well that was creepy
Uke: Sounded like someone was knocking into walls
Uke: Probs just a demon though
Uke has disconnected
Friday, 11 October 2013
a funny chat
note: these are actual chats between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying, and anyone can end the conversation at any time. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited
Question to discuss:
will you tell me a story?
Tori: no
Uke: Alright stranger
Uke: Lets make a story together
Uke: For the gentleman
Tori: ok you start
Uke: I say a sentence then you ok
Tori: ok
Uke: Once upon a time in a slum far far away, there was a young raw potato named scruffy.
Tori: scruffy loved french fries. and he loved potato chips
Uke: (Your turn)
Uke: Ok I guess I'll continue
Uke: Scruffy had a very small cock.
Tori: ( i just said something....)
Uke: Wait you did?
Uke: Sorry... My wifi sucks
Uke: I made this awkward didnt I
Tori: no its cool....
Tori: but ya kinda awkward.....
Uke: ok I'm laughing really hard now
Uke: Say what you said again
Tori: i said scruffy liked french fries and potato chips...
Tori: XD
Uke: Oh lol
Uke: There are two kinds of people in this world xD
Tori: Haha!! agreed!!
Tori: we still need to tell this story....
Uke: It turned out that every delectable snack scruffy had eaten throughout his life was made of his mothers ovaries.
Tori: ack!! how do i freaking respond to that?!?!
Uke: Lol idk just do it
Tori: :{
Uke: Cummonnnn
Tori: ummm when scruffy found out he felt sick...
Tori: ( your turn )
Uke: During scruffy's illness he had realized he forgot to check the mail for his new dildo arriving from Mexico.
Uke: I love making this hard for you lol
Tori: if scruffy is a boy why does he need a dildo 0_o
Tori: STOP MAKING THIS HARD!!!!!!
Uke: Um he's gay lol
Tori: ....
Tori: i hate you....
Uke: He likes it in da poopoo lol
Uke: Lol you're so welcome
Tori: ....i hate you a lot
Uke: I can tell we would be best friends
Uke: I'm always the dirty one
Tori: haha!! what would i be then.... 0_o
Tori: i still hate you.
Uke: The young innocent one that hasn't brainwashed by too much Internet
Uke: What stop hating me :'(
Uke: I didn't do nothin
Tori: young innocent? really?
Uke: Old innocent?
Tori: no i am not old....
Uke: Then take fucking young
Tori: dont yess at me :(
Uke: Lol it's still your turn
Uke: Sowwy :( DONT tell mommy :(
Tori: i make no promices :)
Uke: >:(
Tori: scruffy went to go check the mail that day.....
Uke: Lol how old ARE YOU
Uke: Instead of a dildo, they c
Uke: They sent a vibrator!
Tori: why do you care? i am not 12 even though i am acting like it..
Uke: Idk just wanna be fwends man :(
Tori: i am a girl not a man....
Uke: :0
Uke: SAME
Tori: you tell me how old you are then i might respond with my age...
Uke: I'm 16
Tori: 17
Tori: so i guess i am old....
Uke: Oh hon hon ho hon hon hon hon
Uke: ... You're ffucking 17 old is someone over 45 years old
Tori: haha!! so by your defination my parents are young too...
Tori has disconnected
Question to discuss:
will you tell me a story?
Tori: no
Uke: Alright stranger
Uke: Lets make a story together
Uke: For the gentleman
Tori: ok you start
Uke: I say a sentence then you ok
Tori: ok
Uke: Once upon a time in a slum far far away, there was a young raw potato named scruffy.
Tori: scruffy loved french fries. and he loved potato chips
Uke: (Your turn)
Uke: Ok I guess I'll continue
Uke: Scruffy had a very small cock.
Tori: ( i just said something....)
Uke: Wait you did?
Uke: Sorry... My wifi sucks
Uke: I made this awkward didnt I
Tori: no its cool....
Tori: but ya kinda awkward.....
Uke: ok I'm laughing really hard now
Uke: Say what you said again
Tori: i said scruffy liked french fries and potato chips...
Tori: XD
Uke: Oh lol
Uke: There are two kinds of people in this world xD
Tori: Haha!! agreed!!
Tori: we still need to tell this story....
Uke: It turned out that every delectable snack scruffy had eaten throughout his life was made of his mothers ovaries.
Tori: ack!! how do i freaking respond to that?!?!
Uke: Lol idk just do it
Tori: :{
Uke: Cummonnnn
Tori: ummm when scruffy found out he felt sick...
Tori: ( your turn )
Uke: During scruffy's illness he had realized he forgot to check the mail for his new dildo arriving from Mexico.
Uke: I love making this hard for you lol
Tori: if scruffy is a boy why does he need a dildo 0_o
Tori: STOP MAKING THIS HARD!!!!!!
Uke: Um he's gay lol
Tori: ....
Tori: i hate you....
Uke: He likes it in da poopoo lol
Uke: Lol you're so welcome
Tori: ....i hate you a lot
Uke: I can tell we would be best friends
Uke: I'm always the dirty one
Tori: haha!! what would i be then.... 0_o
Tori: i still hate you.
Uke: The young innocent one that hasn't brainwashed by too much Internet
Uke: What stop hating me :'(
Uke: I didn't do nothin
Tori: young innocent? really?
Uke: Old innocent?
Tori: no i am not old....
Uke: Then take fucking young
Tori: dont yess at me :(
Uke: Lol it's still your turn
Uke: Sowwy :( DONT tell mommy :(
Tori: i make no promices :)
Uke: >:(
Tori: scruffy went to go check the mail that day.....
Uke: Lol how old ARE YOU
Uke: Instead of a dildo, they c
Uke: They sent a vibrator!
Tori: why do you care? i am not 12 even though i am acting like it..
Uke: Idk just wanna be fwends man :(
Tori: i am a girl not a man....
Uke: :0
Uke: SAME
Tori: you tell me how old you are then i might respond with my age...
Uke: I'm 16
Tori: 17
Tori: so i guess i am old....
Uke: Oh hon hon ho hon hon hon hon
Uke: ... You're ffucking 17 old is someone over 45 years old
Tori: haha!! so by your defination my parents are young too...
Tori has disconnected
Monday, 7 October 2013
more anonymous chat
note: these are actual chats between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying, and anyone can end the conversation at any time. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited
Question to discuss:
will you tell me a true story?
Tori: Sure.
Uke: I was in class one day
Uke: and the teacher had a heart attack
Uke: so I didn't have class for a semester
Uke: the end
Tori: Damn
Tori: I once went to Beijing
Uke: I had to make up for the classes
Tori: All my friends told me it was going to be shit, I needed to watch my wallet, I was crazy going alone, don't get stabbed etc
Tori: It was so awesome it made my life back home depressing.
Tori: People just aren't as nice here.
Uke: being rich in Beijing?
Uke: Where are you from?
Tori: I was in a pretty poor area, I didn't stay in the tourist districts
Tori: Australia
Uke: Same here
Uke: Melbourne
Tori: Nice
Uke: I went to the USA once.
Uke: Crazy place
Tori: What's it like?
Uke: the first five minutes of being out of my hotel in L.A I witnessed a car accident.
Uke: Well, in the grocery stores, they encourage you to get fat.....
Uke: it's an incentive
Tori: What?
Uke: they sell 2 kg bags of M&M's
Tori: Holy shit
Uke: Yeah.....
Uke: A pack of Oreos had 72 cookies in it
Uke: There was also a 2 kg bucket of twizzlers
Uke: what else....
Uke: what else....
Uke: In the frozen food section.
Uke: There was a box of pizza
Uke: that comes with cookies
Uke: in the same box.....
Tori: Wooow
Tori: What else did you see?
Uke: In L.A I went to Disneyland and Universal studios.
Uke: After that I went to New York City
Uke: Have you played the Grand Theft Auto games?
Uke: They catch the vibes of these cities perfectly
Tori: Damn. It's really as bad as that?
Uke: Bad?
Tori: Lol, unless we have majorly different perceptions of quality of life
Uke: Was talking about the environments in the game
Tori: Oh, I get you
Uke: They look so simialr to their real life counterpart
Uke: I felt like I already went to NY, because of GTA IV. lol
Tori: Haha
Tori: What are people like there?
Uke: People in New York are usually in a rush.
Uke: But the people I met in Times Square were very nice
Uke: Times square is epic
Uke: You should go to the US just for that alone....
Uke: People in L.A seem relaxed
Uke: In NY there is a left and right lane on the footpath....
Uke: If I lived there, I would use a bike as transportation.
Tori: Sounds cool. What's the quality of life like? Aside from supersized lollies?
Uke: New York would be the equivalent.
Uke: L.A is good if you're very rich.
Uke: But it doesn't seem to be as high of a standard of living as Australia.
Tori: Really?
Uke: Yeah, really.
Uke: So many homeless and poor people in L.A
Tori: Shit. That's such a shame.
Uke: Some of them are crazy.....
Uke: I saw one of them yelling at his suitcase.
Tori: Damn. That's the case here too isn't it, most homeless people are mentally ill, but usually living on the street because the state has nowhere to put them
Uke: I don't see many homeless in Melbourne
Uke: Beleive me, we are doing alot better than the US in terms of homelessness
Tori: Thank God.
Uke: It's a cool place to visit, but I wouldn't live there though.
Tori: I don't know what's going on with their system. They try to introduce some sort of social security, and right wing interest groups shut the government down.
Uke: Over a money dispute
Uke: They are in debt.....
Uke: They just make up the money
Uke: It's imaginary money
Uke: Why don't they just give their employees more imaginary money?
Tori: Yeah. I feel for them.
Tori: If we weren't such a backwater, we'd be in exactly the same position.
Uke: The only reason our economy is so good is because of the mining industry.....
Tori: From an international perspective, the only thing of interest we have are mineral resources. Notice what happens as soon as anyone tries to mess with them?
Uke: When that's gone we're fucked.....
Tori: I think if we were as important a player on the world stage, we'd be dealing with similar issues. More vested interest, you know?
Uke: We have the most coal in the world.....
Uke: We supply it to China
Uke: But we pay so much for it
Uke: We should all be rich.
Uke: Like in Saudi.
Uke: They have the most oil, so it's cheap for them
Uke: we have the most coal, but it's cheaper for the chinese.
Uke: In a recent discovery, we now have more oil than Saudi Arabia.
Uke: So, when the minerals are gone, that's next
Tori: Yeah. I wish we'd take a cue from scandinavia and try to translate that mineral wealth into a socialist paradise
Tori: You know, huge, pervasive social assistance, paid for by the country's resources.
Uke: You know what really annoys me? The average house price is $600,000.....
Uke: Which is a 1:7 ratio
Uke: of wages to house price
Uke: What the hell is that?
Uke: It's the most expensive in the English speaking countries
Tori: I know. Negative gearing is a crock of shit.
Uke: I won't be buying a house.
Tori: The government encourages this shit, the old getting rich at the expense of the young
Uke: To get the same ratio my parents did, I would need to earn $150,0000
Uke: *$150,000
Uke: Tax free
Tori: Yeah. I'll either rent, or if I can, just move overseas. I can dream at least.
Uke: L.A is cheap
Tori: Buying property in this bubble is a sucker's game
Uke: Well, L.A suburbs are cheap
Uke: You can buy a house near disneyland for 50k.
Tori: Holy hell
Uke: Yeah....
Tori: You didn't leave out a zero did you?
Uke: That's just for the basic three bedroom house.
Uke: Nope
Uke: This is in the suburbs.
Uke: 1.5 hours from L.A, 10 mins from Disneyland.
Uke: 50k
Uke: Even England is cheaper than us.
Uke: 150,000 pounds is the average house price
Uke has disconnected
Question to discuss:
will you tell me a true story?
Tori: Sure.
Uke: I was in class one day
Uke: and the teacher had a heart attack
Uke: so I didn't have class for a semester
Uke: the end
Tori: Damn
Tori: I once went to Beijing
Uke: I had to make up for the classes
Tori: All my friends told me it was going to be shit, I needed to watch my wallet, I was crazy going alone, don't get stabbed etc
Tori: It was so awesome it made my life back home depressing.
Tori: People just aren't as nice here.
Uke: being rich in Beijing?
Uke: Where are you from?
Tori: I was in a pretty poor area, I didn't stay in the tourist districts
Tori: Australia
Uke: Same here
Uke: Melbourne
Tori: Nice
Uke: I went to the USA once.
Uke: Crazy place
Tori: What's it like?
Uke: the first five minutes of being out of my hotel in L.A I witnessed a car accident.
Uke: Well, in the grocery stores, they encourage you to get fat.....
Uke: it's an incentive
Tori: What?
Uke: they sell 2 kg bags of M&M's
Tori: Holy shit
Uke: Yeah.....
Uke: A pack of Oreos had 72 cookies in it
Uke: There was also a 2 kg bucket of twizzlers
Uke: what else....
Uke: what else....
Uke: In the frozen food section.
Uke: There was a box of pizza
Uke: that comes with cookies
Uke: in the same box.....
Tori: Wooow
Tori: What else did you see?
Uke: In L.A I went to Disneyland and Universal studios.
Uke: After that I went to New York City
Uke: Have you played the Grand Theft Auto games?
Uke: They catch the vibes of these cities perfectly
Tori: Damn. It's really as bad as that?
Uke: Bad?
Tori: Lol, unless we have majorly different perceptions of quality of life
Uke: Was talking about the environments in the game
Tori: Oh, I get you
Uke: They look so simialr to their real life counterpart
Uke: I felt like I already went to NY, because of GTA IV. lol
Tori: Haha
Tori: What are people like there?
Uke: People in New York are usually in a rush.
Uke: But the people I met in Times Square were very nice
Uke: Times square is epic
Uke: You should go to the US just for that alone....
Uke: People in L.A seem relaxed
Uke: In NY there is a left and right lane on the footpath....
Uke: If I lived there, I would use a bike as transportation.
Tori: Sounds cool. What's the quality of life like? Aside from supersized lollies?
Uke: New York would be the equivalent.
Uke: L.A is good if you're very rich.
Uke: But it doesn't seem to be as high of a standard of living as Australia.
Tori: Really?
Uke: Yeah, really.
Uke: So many homeless and poor people in L.A
Tori: Shit. That's such a shame.
Uke: Some of them are crazy.....
Uke: I saw one of them yelling at his suitcase.
Tori: Damn. That's the case here too isn't it, most homeless people are mentally ill, but usually living on the street because the state has nowhere to put them
Uke: I don't see many homeless in Melbourne
Uke: Beleive me, we are doing alot better than the US in terms of homelessness
Tori: Thank God.
Uke: It's a cool place to visit, but I wouldn't live there though.
Tori: I don't know what's going on with their system. They try to introduce some sort of social security, and right wing interest groups shut the government down.
Uke: Over a money dispute
Uke: They are in debt.....
Uke: They just make up the money
Uke: It's imaginary money
Uke: Why don't they just give their employees more imaginary money?
Tori: Yeah. I feel for them.
Tori: If we weren't such a backwater, we'd be in exactly the same position.
Uke: The only reason our economy is so good is because of the mining industry.....
Tori: From an international perspective, the only thing of interest we have are mineral resources. Notice what happens as soon as anyone tries to mess with them?
Uke: When that's gone we're fucked.....
Tori: I think if we were as important a player on the world stage, we'd be dealing with similar issues. More vested interest, you know?
Uke: We have the most coal in the world.....
Uke: We supply it to China
Uke: But we pay so much for it
Uke: We should all be rich.
Uke: Like in Saudi.
Uke: They have the most oil, so it's cheap for them
Uke: we have the most coal, but it's cheaper for the chinese.
Uke: In a recent discovery, we now have more oil than Saudi Arabia.
Uke: So, when the minerals are gone, that's next
Tori: Yeah. I wish we'd take a cue from scandinavia and try to translate that mineral wealth into a socialist paradise
Tori: You know, huge, pervasive social assistance, paid for by the country's resources.
Uke: You know what really annoys me? The average house price is $600,000.....
Uke: Which is a 1:7 ratio
Uke: of wages to house price
Uke: What the hell is that?
Uke: It's the most expensive in the English speaking countries
Tori: I know. Negative gearing is a crock of shit.
Uke: I won't be buying a house.
Tori: The government encourages this shit, the old getting rich at the expense of the young
Uke: To get the same ratio my parents did, I would need to earn $150,0000
Uke: *$150,000
Uke: Tax free
Tori: Yeah. I'll either rent, or if I can, just move overseas. I can dream at least.
Uke: L.A is cheap
Tori: Buying property in this bubble is a sucker's game
Uke: Well, L.A suburbs are cheap
Uke: You can buy a house near disneyland for 50k.
Tori: Holy hell
Uke: Yeah....
Tori: You didn't leave out a zero did you?
Uke: That's just for the basic three bedroom house.
Uke: Nope
Uke: This is in the suburbs.
Uke: 1.5 hours from L.A, 10 mins from Disneyland.
Uke: 50k
Uke: Even England is cheaper than us.
Uke: 150,000 pounds is the average house price
Uke has disconnected
Saturday, 5 October 2013
more anonymous chat
note: these are actual chats between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying, and anyone can end the conversation at any time. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited
Question to discuss:
why do you always fuck up?
Tori: I donr
Tori: dont
Tori: damn it
Tori: i fucked up
Uke: because i give up to early
Tori: XDDDD
Tori: xaxaxxa)) I hate my life
Uke: welcome to the club man
Uke: yay :)
Tori: I've been in the club all my life
Tori: huehue
Tori: I don't know sometimes I wish I was 5
Uke: me too how come i've never seen you at the meating
Uke: being 5 would be awesome not a care i the world
Tori: Because I went on the meeting no sure where you went
Tori: Not really sure what you'd do at a meating
Uke: oh i went to the slaughter house 'the meating'
Uke: that explains it
Tori: Yeah
Tori: that's what I meant
Tori: So can we like hang out someday?
Uke: yea we can
Uke: we can hate ourselves together
Tori: Or we'd love eachother but hate ourselfs
Tori: selves
Uke: that works even better
Tori: I don't know
Tori: Sometimes I'd like to just you know end
Uke: nah don't ive them the satisfaction if kiling yourselves
Uke: it wont help
Tori: Who's them?
Tori: And why would I care about them?
Uke: i dont know i just like to talk that way
Tori: Oh
Uke: yaaaaaaaaaaay,
Tori: So
Uke: :)
Tori: Can you tell me who Oliver is?
Uke: he is the little kid in the barrel
Tori: Please continue :D
Uke: you know, the barrel standing at the airport, that hasnt been picked up
Tori: Because no one loves him?
Uke: no
Uke: because people are afraid of what mght be inside
Uke: the think it might be a bomb
Tori: But but how will he get out
Uke: but in trouth it is just a black kid that was abandoned by his 14 year old mother, and that was trying to sneak into a better country
Uke: he doesnt get out
Uke: sooner or later
Tori: So he will die? :(
Uke: securety will get him and they will terminate the barrel before he gets out
Uke: so yes he will die
Tori: Nooes
Uke: but you know what the good thing is?
Tori: No?
Uke: while they are terminating the barrel, they catches the man that smuggled the barrel into the airport
Uke: that man was a the leader of a big human trafficking organisation
Uke: and he was going to make Oliver into a drugaddicted sex slave for some rich 40 year old man
Tori: So where is the magic in this story?
Uke: a unicorn flyes in and revives oliver and takes him to the fairy country where he lives happily ever after
Uke: THE AND
Tori: Mhum
Tori: Well that seems a bit odd he was dead
Tori: wasn't he?
Uke: unicorn magick you know
Uke: *magic
Tori: Oh so Oviler drank the blood of the unicorn?
Tori: Oliver*
Uke: yes but the unicorn was a willing blod donor so it is ok
Tori: That's neat
Uke: Dont you think. :-)
Tori: I do though
Tori: I do
Uke: but tell me what is the thing with that doctor?
Tori: He was only 20 when he realized that he could collect other peoples dreams
Uke: ok
Tori: The only down side of this was that he got addicted
Uke: oh no
Tori: He did not what to live in reality anymore
Tori: Only in other peoples dreams
Tori: That why he became a doctor
Uke: i know the feel
Tori: He specified in childern
Tori: Because they had the most vivid dreams
Uke: 0h god no that is... ghuvwu
Tori: So the day he grew weary of the things he did
Tori: He finally said that it was going to be the last time
Uke: oh good then
Tori: So he though well then I'll just stay for a bit longer this time
Uke: oh no
Tori: So the boy he was operating on
Tori: got extra drugs
Uke: no no
Tori: The dream the boy had was most pleasant
Uke: but...
Tori: The sun was shining and the wind was blowing cooling winds
Tori: After awhile he realized that the sun never whent down
Uke: hmm..?
Tori: And it was then he understood that he'd be trapped
Tori: The boy was dead but he dream did not end
Uke: oh no!
Tori: The doctor started to hate the sun so much
Tori: it angered him
Tori: He desperately tried to find shade
Tori: But it was unsuccessful
Tori: So he gathered rocks to tried to kill the sun
Uke: i am not sure but i dont think it works that way, even in dreams
Tori: You need to understand that the doctor grew crazy
Tori: He could not think straight
Uke: i wouldnt have been able to eather
Uke: id think in kurvs, or like sharp angles
Uke: *curves
Tori: And the only thing he could remember was that when he was a kid he wanted to be a speaceship captain
Uke: oh
Uke: that is sweet
Tori: So in the dream he made up the parts for a spaceship
Tori: and travel to the moon
Tori: For there was the only shade in the whole universe that was the young boys dream
Tori: end
Uke: that must have been a verry happy boy since he didn't allow anny shade in his world
Uke: a verry god story i must say
Uke: loads better then the one i thought up,
Tori: Haha it's fun to do these stories sometimes
Uke: do you ever write?
Tori: Sometimes I write poems
Tori: But like I have some stories
Uke: cool
Tori: Want to hear one?
Uke: i sometimes get the idea for something that could be a cool storry, but by the time i start to write it i just get a new idea
Uke: sure id love to
Tori: It's originally a Chinese fary tail
Uke: ok
Tori: There was once a great kingdom,
Tori: and its great king had a beautiful daughter who passed her days in solitude,
Uke: ok
Tori: weaving garments for the pleasure of her father.
Tori: One day, while she was sitting beside the great river,
Uke: is this an incest storry?
Tori: peering across, she saw a handsome young shepherd boy leading his flock through the pasture.
Tori: Immediately, she fell in love.
Tori: hereafter, she became terribly disheartened,
Uke: better then with his father phew
Uke: why so?
Tori: knowing that, due to her duties at the loom, she would be unable to pursue that love.
Uke: aaah
Tori: The king, aware that by his bidding such despair had befallen her,
Tori: felt great remorse, and arranged for her to marry the shepherd.
Uke: aww
Tori: There marriage was one of happiness from the start,
Tori: and everyday thereafter they grew happier and happier.
Tori: However,
Uke: oh oh
Tori: in immersing herself in her marriage, the princess had neglected her weaving and the great king became angry.
Tori: Unable to reconcile with that anger,
Tori: the great king banished each of the lovers to opposite sides of the great river,
Tori: allowing them only to meet once each year: on the seventh day of the seventh month.
Uke: scumbag king
Tori: On that day, a ferryman would carry the shepherd boy across the river to the princess,
Tori: and return him home at day's end.
Tori: However, if the princess has not fulfilled her obligations at the loom the king floods the river, and the two can not meet.
Tori: The end
Uke: so it is the princesses fault the river is always flooding here at home,
Tori: Haha
Tori: where are you from?
Uke: here i was going on about global worming when it tuns out it is all this lazy princesses fault
Uke: I am from Norway
Tori: Makes sense
Tori: What's your name?
Tori: Odd?
Uke: at first id like to know where you are from
Tori: Madagascar
Uke: hmm that was a first, never talked to someone from Madagascar before
Tori: It's fine
Tori: I can speak some norwegian though
Uke: you can?
Tori: My mother is Swedish
Tori: And I can speak Swedish so
Uke: oh, that makes sence
Uke: heidå
Tori: Bye
Tori: ?
Uke: is that what it means i thought it meant hi
Tori: No
Tori: Haha
Uke: explains why every swedis person i have ever talked to just turns arround and leaves
Tori: huehuehue
Tori: So what's your name then?
Uke: Xxxxx
Uke: ironically, it means short, and i am almost 1,95 meters tall
Tori: Haha
Tori: okey
Uke: whats your name
Tori: Xxx
Tori: haha
Uke: Xxx?...
Tori: I know what you're thinking and no my parents doesn't hate me
Uke: that wasn't it, it is just it is so verry verry different from what i am used to
Tori: Well it means like wild
Tori: Or something similar
Uke: there are so many naughty jokes in my head right now
Tori: Hahah
Tori: like what
Uke: Yr in bead
Tori: Haha
Uke: not a good one but it is one of them
Tori: Yeah well most of my friends doesn't really call me that though
Uke: what is your nickname then?
Tori: Well my second name is Xxx so I'd just make them call me that in school because it was easier
Uke: I can keep calling you that, Xxxx
Tori: Doesn't matter haha
Uke: yea we have talked for this long without knowing eachothers names so it doesnt matter
Uke: how ald are you?
Tori: True
Tori: I am 19
Tori: You?
Uke: 17
Tori: Alright
Tori: You know if you want to I could probably understand Norwegian
Tori: Not sure though
Uke: Tror du at du kan fårstå det?
Tori: Ja det tror jag
Tori: haha
Uke: så flått
Tori: Flått?
Uke: de forstår tydeligvis ikke alt
Tori: Inte allt
Uke: XD
Tori: Jag kan svenska men jag skriver det aldrig
Uke: that is grate for me because i cant read swedish so it is all good
Tori: Haha
Tori: I've been to norway like 3 times
Uke: you have. where did you go?
Uke: i have never been anny longer in sweden then svinesund
Tori: Jesshem and Kongsvinger
Uke: cool
Tori: I don't know what sinvesund is haha
Uke: it is the boarder between norway and sweeden
Uke: we go there for cheap drinks and candy
Tori: That's cool
Uke: it is so expencive in norway so we head over to Sweden to get stuffs cheaper
Tori: Yeah I know
Tori: I've been to sweden a lot of times
Uke: cool
Tori: Do you like traveling?
Uke: i love to travel but i rearly get the oppertunety to
Tori: I kinda do it all the time
Tori: Well not so much now but
Uke: lucky bastard
Tori: Haha
Tori: But I always did it with my parents so uhm
Tori: that sucks
Tori: I mean I love them but you know
Uke: not as fun to travel with
Tori: Yeah because you want to stay up late and explore things
Uke: go to a bar or a club
Tori: Yeah
Uke: chatt up the locals and stuffs like that
Tori: My favourite places are actually the nordic places
Uke: why is that?
Tori: Well ehm they are the funniest and like
Tori: the hottest
Tori: hahaha
Uke: so you like the vikings, haha
Tori: Maybe
Uke: tall and strong, with blonde hair and blue eyers?
Tori: Well I have blonde hair
Uke: cool,
Tori: And my eyes are like green-ish I'd say
Tori: blue sorry
Tori: Stupid phone
Uke: that is as swedish as it gets
Tori: Haha well I don't know
Tori: My dad isn't Swedish
Uke: where is he from?
Tori: Icelandic
Uke: are a vking princes living in Madagascar then ;-)
Tori: Why you ask?
Uke: i am not asking i am just saying, swedish and icelandic= vikings
Tori: Aah okey
Tori: I'm was more or less just born there
Tori: My dad is like an animal scientist so that's why
Uke: ok, do you still live there?
Tori: No
Uke: where do you live then?
Tori: When I got older we moves to New Zealand
Tori: And then I started school so my mother wanted to stay so I wouldn't have to change all the time
Uke: so you are a madagascarian scandinavian living in New Zealand
Tori: If you want to up it that way yes I geuss
Tori: haha
Uke: grate then
Tori: So tell me how do you look?
Uke: i am 195 cm tall blonde hair, and i have one blue eye, and one greenish (made out of glass), my hair is blonde,
Tori: You have dubble blonde hair? hahah
Uke: it is verry blonde
Tori: Damn
Tori: How come you have a glass eye if I may ask?
Tori: Feel free to say no
Uke: my brother pushed me while i was biking when i was 5
Tori: Oh
Tori: I'm sorry
Uke: nothing to worry about
Tori: But I kinda like that you're tall
Tori: That's like hella tall
Uke: yes i have noticed , after all the times i have banged my head into stuffs
Tori: Hahah
Uke: how tall are you?
Tori: Like 175
Tori: So that's kinda tall
Uke: we are all pretty tall here in the north so it is all normal
Tori: I guess that's why I like it I guess
Tori: Oedipus complex you know haha
Uke: the motherfucking complecs?
Tori: Well I guess it doesn't really apply to me but mjee you know
Tori: Ehm I guess you could call it that
Tori: It's like kinda accurate
Uke: isn't that the one where we all secretly wanna fuck our parents?
Tori: "child's desire to sexually possess the parent of the opposite sex"
Uke: yup thats the one
Tori: I think everyone has it a bit
Tori: But not to the actual parent
Tori: Just get atracted to someone that's kinda similar
Tori: attracted
Uke: yeah i have heard it
Uke: i heard about someone that called himself Dr. Oswald Erick Dipus
Uke: In other words Doctor Motherfucker
Tori: Haha you crazy
Uke: tell me something i doesnt banana
Tori: You make me wish I was there
Tori: Like in Norway or Sweden or Iceland
Tori: At a party
Uke: that would be fun
Uke: maybe next time you'll be in the area
Uke: You won't be heading to Barcelone next weekend will you?
Tori: I've been there once
Tori: But I don't know it was alrigth though
Tori: The architecture is like the best
Uke: cool, i wont be able too see it, because i am going to Majorca insstead do you know annything about that?
Tori: I dont.. what?
Tori: I've been to the Canaries islands
Tori: That's close?
Tori: not sure
Uke: Cool, i was going to go there, but we had to reschedule and it ended up with Majorca instead
Tori: Oh
Tori: Getting some tan huh?
Uke: it is hard to avoid it, but i am mostly going to try and relax before heading back to school again,
Tori: Haha okey
Uke: so what do you do in new zealand?
Tori: I try to surf and longboard
Uke: cool, id love to try surfing sometimes,
Tori: Yeah I don't know
Tori: I kinda miss the snow
Tori: You're going to hate me for saying that
Tori: haha
Uke: i am not loocking foreward to the snow when it comes
Uke: i am going away for a reason
Tori: Yeah
Tori: Everyone hated me for saying that
Tori: I was like oooh I hope it snows when we were in sweden
Tori: And everyones else said I was cursing them
Uke: haha
Uke: if you stay here for one entire winter, you are not going to look froeward to the next one
Tori: I have been when I was little
Uke: that is when youi are young, and all you have to worry about, is to not trip when you are skiing
Tori: yeah i dont like sking
Uke: when you are living here and you have to plow every fricken day, and the ground is covered with ice and you faceplant on every second step
Uke: skiing is fun once you get the hang of it.
Tori: Haha I'm clumsy
Tori: not*
Tori: Ops
Uke: ?
Tori: I am not clumsy so I don't faceplant on every second step
Uke: i might be overexciting a little bit, but you are gonna fall, a lot through that winter, no matter how good you are, and it is going to look
hilarious for anyone waching
Tori: Hahah
Tori: I've been to sweden at winter
Tori: I knooooww xD
Uke: do you think that man that allways fucks up is still watching?
Tori: That would be weird
Uke: yeah it would
Uke: how long have we been talking?
Tori: an hour?
Uke: even longer i think
Tori: I was like "ooooooh hello" when you said you where from Norway
Uke: and the time just fleew by after that
Tori: More or less yeah
Tori: And oh yeah we did stories
Tori: That was fun
Uke: yeah two very sad storries
Tori: Witch ones?
Uke: your was more creepy then sad.
Uke: and the chinese fairy tail was a bit sad, because of the ending,
Uke: but mine had a unicorn in it so that one was ok
Tori: Hahah
Tori: it was just based on one
Tori: But I like the ending because it's not sad or happy
Tori: So what music do you like?
Uke: i like most music as long as it is god
Uke: i am listening to Queen right now
Uke: you?
Tori: Oh
Tori: I like Indie and rock and stop like that
Tori: Do you like lana del ray?
Uke: never heard of it
Uke: sounds good
Tori: Radio - Lana Del Rey
Tori: Listen to that song
Tori: It really starts at 0.35
Uke: sounds cool
Tori: Yeah just imagine being high
Tori: listening to that song
Uke: OMG IT IS AMAIZING Ø-Ø IT IS AWESOME
Uke: is what i wold have said had i been high
Tori: haha
Tori: I was going to say something else but
Tori: ehm it make be awkward
Tori: might*
Uke: what,
Uke: i like awkward,
Uke: you just made it more awkward by saying you wanted to say something awkward
Tori: Hahah
Tori: okey
Tori: But It was like
Uke: like what?
Tori: ehm
Tori: Imagine having sex to that song while being high
Tori: I don't know it's sooooo wierd
Tori: I am
Tori: I meant
Uke: nah that wasn't weird
Uke: i say stuffs like that all the time
Uke: and tat would make it even more amaizing
Uke: have you ever done that? ;-)
Tori: have sex? haha
Tori: yeeeah?
Tori: Haven't you?
Uke: while high to that song i meant
Uke: and yes i have
Tori: No not to that song
Tori: I just recently found it
Uke: but you have had sex while high, to a song?
Tori: Yeah
Uke: fricken stone
Uke: r
Tori: The best one that I can remember was In the Flowers by Animal Collecive
Tori: Hahah
Tori: Dude I don't know
Tori: Sometimes Im just soooo bored
Uke: that song sounds like someone having sex on a rubber mattress
Tori: which?
Uke: the intro of that song it is getting better now
Tori: I don't know I like wierd music
Tori: Strange question but do you know any Norwegian indie music or something?
Uke: you have jsut been smoking to much
Uke: no i do not, i am not mouch into norwegian music
Uke: *much
Uke: i prefer english or american
Tori: Hey i dont somke tghat much
Tori: that
Tori: Brb 2 min
Tori: Please dont go
Uke: ok
Tori: bacj
Tori: back
Uke: what were you doing?
Tori: Well I was in bed and it was getting hot so I opened a window and changed some cloths
Tori: It's morning here
Uke: it is 10.20 in the night here
Tori: it's 9am
Tori: so its 10pm for you guys
Uke: yes
Uke: what day is it right now?
Tori: Friday
Uke: i am still on tuesday
Uke: so you are 11 hours ahead of me
Tori: Yeah
Uke: wibbly wobbly timy whymy
Tori: O_o
Tori: haha
Tori: Tell me the weirdest song you like
Uke: the fox
Uke: its like being on ecstasy
Tori: Haha
Tori: What the fox says?
Uke: ringididndingding
Tori: No ones knows what thety say
Tori: they
Uke: actually they bark in a very specific way that almost sounds like someone is getting raped
Tori: What the
Tori: hahah
Tori: You're hella wierd
Tori: I love it
Uke: thanks
Uke: i try as hard as i can to seem so inzane as possibleand you know, wait what is that a coffee machine?
Tori: I wouldn't drink coffee if I where you
Uke: why not
Tori: Are you going to sleep soon or?
Uke: true, but someone just started making coffie
Uke: and i dont know who it is
Tori: The smell huh?
Uke: one moment ill check
Tori: Oke
Uke: it was my step dad
Tori: Oh
Tori: This late
Uke: yeah
Tori: So do you not have school tomorrow?
Uke: no i dont
Tori: Oh
Tori: I'm still completely Xxx in bed
Uke: haha
Tori: The cold only made it better
Tori: and more cozy
Uke: i love crazy
Tori: I said cozy
Tori: You crazy Xxxxx
Uke: haha
Uke: oh
Uke: i read it a little too fast, my one eye is working overtime
Tori: Haha
Tori: Maan you're making me wanna travel so bad
Uke: so you want to come here?
Tori: Yeah
Tori: Norway would be nice
Tori: I have some swedish friends that work there
Uke: damn imigrants
Tori: Haha
Uke: taking ur jubz
Tori: Where did you live in norway again?
Uke: the south norway
Tori: Xxxx Xxxxx?
Uke: yup
Tori: Haha nice
Tori: I know someone from the Netherlands that live there
Uke: cool
Tori: But I guess she's older thne you
Tori: then*
Uke: She probably is but, do you know any more specifically where she lives?
Tori: Oh I thought it was one town
Tori: haha
Tori: Sorry
Uke: no it is like one big area it is one fylke one out of 14
Tori: Yeah
Tori: I understand
Uke: where in new zealand do youlive?
Tori: Wellington
Tori: It's the capital
Uke: cool
Uke: then i almost know where it is
Tori: Almost haha
Uke: it is in the far north on the biggest of the two islands isnt it?
Tori: Far south on the small one
Tori: haha
Tori: So it's close but yeah
Uke: seriusly, damn
Tori: Haha yeah
Uke: where in sweden are your fammely from?
Tori: It's kinda close to the boarder
Tori: to norway
Tori: Do you know Arvika?
Uke: i know it i have never been that far into sweeden tough,
Tori: Oh I see
Tori: But we mostly spend time next to varnern
Tori: If you know it
Tori: Well Värnern there
Uke: ? what
Tori: It's the biggest lake in sweden
Uke: Oh i dont know annything about the lakes, it that doesnt show up on the google maps
Tori: it doesnt
Tori: oh
Uke: and it is written Vänern
Tori: Vänern yes
Uke: yes
Tori: Found it?
Uke: yes i have
Tori: Sorry I'm back had to take my pants off
Tori: haha
Uke: might i ask why?
Tori: It was getting warm in the bed
Uke: ok, one moment agoy you said it was a little cold and now you are to hot
Tori: No I opened a window to make it colder
Uke: ok that was it
Tori: Haha yeah
Uke: Do you have kik, my internett will go out in a few minutes, so if we are going to keep talking i can do it from the 3g pn my phone
Tori: Sure
Uke: what is your name?
Tori: Give me yours
Uke: ok
Uke: xxxxxxxxx
Tori: hahahah
Tori: Cute
Uke: ok i got your message i think
Tori: Xxxxx Xxxx?
Tori: Yes
Uke: yes
Uke: and i have responded
Tori: So are you going to disconnecct or?
Uke: do you want me to?
Tori: Doesn't matter
Tori: I'm just going to stay in bed for like 10 min
Tori: then I'm going out or something
Uke: ok then
Tori: Alrigth talk on kik
Uke has disconnected
Question to discuss:
why do you always fuck up?
Tori: I donr
Tori: dont
Tori: damn it
Tori: i fucked up
Uke: because i give up to early
Tori: XDDDD
Tori: xaxaxxa)) I hate my life
Uke: welcome to the club man
Uke: yay :)
Tori: I've been in the club all my life
Tori: huehue
Tori: I don't know sometimes I wish I was 5
Uke: me too how come i've never seen you at the meating
Uke: being 5 would be awesome not a care i the world
Tori: Because I went on the meeting no sure where you went
Tori: Not really sure what you'd do at a meating
Uke: oh i went to the slaughter house 'the meating'
Uke: that explains it
Tori: Yeah
Tori: that's what I meant
Tori: So can we like hang out someday?
Uke: yea we can
Uke: we can hate ourselves together
Tori: Or we'd love eachother but hate ourselfs
Tori: selves
Uke: that works even better
Tori: I don't know
Tori: Sometimes I'd like to just you know end
Uke: nah don't ive them the satisfaction if kiling yourselves
Uke: it wont help
Tori: Who's them?
Tori: And why would I care about them?
Uke: i dont know i just like to talk that way
Tori: Oh
Uke: yaaaaaaaaaaay,
Tori: So
Uke: :)
Tori: Can you tell me who Oliver is?
Uke: he is the little kid in the barrel
Tori: Please continue :D
Uke: you know, the barrel standing at the airport, that hasnt been picked up
Tori: Because no one loves him?
Uke: no
Uke: because people are afraid of what mght be inside
Uke: the think it might be a bomb
Tori: But but how will he get out
Uke: but in trouth it is just a black kid that was abandoned by his 14 year old mother, and that was trying to sneak into a better country
Uke: he doesnt get out
Uke: sooner or later
Tori: So he will die? :(
Uke: securety will get him and they will terminate the barrel before he gets out
Uke: so yes he will die
Tori: Nooes
Uke: but you know what the good thing is?
Tori: No?
Uke: while they are terminating the barrel, they catches the man that smuggled the barrel into the airport
Uke: that man was a the leader of a big human trafficking organisation
Uke: and he was going to make Oliver into a drugaddicted sex slave for some rich 40 year old man
Tori: So where is the magic in this story?
Uke: a unicorn flyes in and revives oliver and takes him to the fairy country where he lives happily ever after
Uke: THE AND
Tori: Mhum
Tori: Well that seems a bit odd he was dead
Tori: wasn't he?
Uke: unicorn magick you know
Uke: *magic
Tori: Oh so Oviler drank the blood of the unicorn?
Tori: Oliver*
Uke: yes but the unicorn was a willing blod donor so it is ok
Tori: That's neat
Uke: Dont you think. :-)
Tori: I do though
Tori: I do
Uke: but tell me what is the thing with that doctor?
Tori: He was only 20 when he realized that he could collect other peoples dreams
Uke: ok
Tori: The only down side of this was that he got addicted
Uke: oh no
Tori: He did not what to live in reality anymore
Tori: Only in other peoples dreams
Tori: That why he became a doctor
Uke: i know the feel
Tori: He specified in childern
Tori: Because they had the most vivid dreams
Uke: 0h god no that is... ghuvwu
Tori: So the day he grew weary of the things he did
Tori: He finally said that it was going to be the last time
Uke: oh good then
Tori: So he though well then I'll just stay for a bit longer this time
Uke: oh no
Tori: So the boy he was operating on
Tori: got extra drugs
Uke: no no
Tori: The dream the boy had was most pleasant
Uke: but...
Tori: The sun was shining and the wind was blowing cooling winds
Tori: After awhile he realized that the sun never whent down
Uke: hmm..?
Tori: And it was then he understood that he'd be trapped
Tori: The boy was dead but he dream did not end
Uke: oh no!
Tori: The doctor started to hate the sun so much
Tori: it angered him
Tori: He desperately tried to find shade
Tori: But it was unsuccessful
Tori: So he gathered rocks to tried to kill the sun
Uke: i am not sure but i dont think it works that way, even in dreams
Tori: You need to understand that the doctor grew crazy
Tori: He could not think straight
Uke: i wouldnt have been able to eather
Uke: id think in kurvs, or like sharp angles
Uke: *curves
Tori: And the only thing he could remember was that when he was a kid he wanted to be a speaceship captain
Uke: oh
Uke: that is sweet
Tori: So in the dream he made up the parts for a spaceship
Tori: and travel to the moon
Tori: For there was the only shade in the whole universe that was the young boys dream
Tori: end
Uke: that must have been a verry happy boy since he didn't allow anny shade in his world
Uke: a verry god story i must say
Uke: loads better then the one i thought up,
Tori: Haha it's fun to do these stories sometimes
Uke: do you ever write?
Tori: Sometimes I write poems
Tori: But like I have some stories
Uke: cool
Tori: Want to hear one?
Uke: i sometimes get the idea for something that could be a cool storry, but by the time i start to write it i just get a new idea
Uke: sure id love to
Tori: It's originally a Chinese fary tail
Uke: ok
Tori: There was once a great kingdom,
Tori: and its great king had a beautiful daughter who passed her days in solitude,
Uke: ok
Tori: weaving garments for the pleasure of her father.
Tori: One day, while she was sitting beside the great river,
Uke: is this an incest storry?
Tori: peering across, she saw a handsome young shepherd boy leading his flock through the pasture.
Tori: Immediately, she fell in love.
Tori: hereafter, she became terribly disheartened,
Uke: better then with his father phew
Uke: why so?
Tori: knowing that, due to her duties at the loom, she would be unable to pursue that love.
Uke: aaah
Tori: The king, aware that by his bidding such despair had befallen her,
Tori: felt great remorse, and arranged for her to marry the shepherd.
Uke: aww
Tori: There marriage was one of happiness from the start,
Tori: and everyday thereafter they grew happier and happier.
Tori: However,
Uke: oh oh
Tori: in immersing herself in her marriage, the princess had neglected her weaving and the great king became angry.
Tori: Unable to reconcile with that anger,
Tori: the great king banished each of the lovers to opposite sides of the great river,
Tori: allowing them only to meet once each year: on the seventh day of the seventh month.
Uke: scumbag king
Tori: On that day, a ferryman would carry the shepherd boy across the river to the princess,
Tori: and return him home at day's end.
Tori: However, if the princess has not fulfilled her obligations at the loom the king floods the river, and the two can not meet.
Tori: The end
Uke: so it is the princesses fault the river is always flooding here at home,
Tori: Haha
Tori: where are you from?
Uke: here i was going on about global worming when it tuns out it is all this lazy princesses fault
Uke: I am from Norway
Tori: Makes sense
Tori: What's your name?
Tori: Odd?
Uke: at first id like to know where you are from
Tori: Madagascar
Uke: hmm that was a first, never talked to someone from Madagascar before
Tori: It's fine
Tori: I can speak some norwegian though
Uke: you can?
Tori: My mother is Swedish
Tori: And I can speak Swedish so
Uke: oh, that makes sence
Uke: heidå
Tori: Bye
Tori: ?
Uke: is that what it means i thought it meant hi
Tori: No
Tori: Haha
Uke: explains why every swedis person i have ever talked to just turns arround and leaves
Tori: huehuehue
Tori: So what's your name then?
Uke: Xxxxx
Uke: ironically, it means short, and i am almost 1,95 meters tall
Tori: Haha
Tori: okey
Uke: whats your name
Tori: Xxx
Tori: haha
Uke: Xxx?...
Tori: I know what you're thinking and no my parents doesn't hate me
Uke: that wasn't it, it is just it is so verry verry different from what i am used to
Tori: Well it means like wild
Tori: Or something similar
Uke: there are so many naughty jokes in my head right now
Tori: Hahah
Tori: like what
Uke: Yr in bead
Tori: Haha
Uke: not a good one but it is one of them
Tori: Yeah well most of my friends doesn't really call me that though
Uke: what is your nickname then?
Tori: Well my second name is Xxx so I'd just make them call me that in school because it was easier
Uke: I can keep calling you that, Xxxx
Tori: Doesn't matter haha
Uke: yea we have talked for this long without knowing eachothers names so it doesnt matter
Uke: how ald are you?
Tori: True
Tori: I am 19
Tori: You?
Uke: 17
Tori: Alright
Tori: You know if you want to I could probably understand Norwegian
Tori: Not sure though
Uke: Tror du at du kan fårstå det?
Tori: Ja det tror jag
Tori: haha
Uke: så flått
Tori: Flått?
Uke: de forstår tydeligvis ikke alt
Tori: Inte allt
Uke: XD
Tori: Jag kan svenska men jag skriver det aldrig
Uke: that is grate for me because i cant read swedish so it is all good
Tori: Haha
Tori: I've been to norway like 3 times
Uke: you have. where did you go?
Uke: i have never been anny longer in sweden then svinesund
Tori: Jesshem and Kongsvinger
Uke: cool
Tori: I don't know what sinvesund is haha
Uke: it is the boarder between norway and sweeden
Uke: we go there for cheap drinks and candy
Tori: That's cool
Uke: it is so expencive in norway so we head over to Sweden to get stuffs cheaper
Tori: Yeah I know
Tori: I've been to sweden a lot of times
Uke: cool
Tori: Do you like traveling?
Uke: i love to travel but i rearly get the oppertunety to
Tori: I kinda do it all the time
Tori: Well not so much now but
Uke: lucky bastard
Tori: Haha
Tori: But I always did it with my parents so uhm
Tori: that sucks
Tori: I mean I love them but you know
Uke: not as fun to travel with
Tori: Yeah because you want to stay up late and explore things
Uke: go to a bar or a club
Tori: Yeah
Uke: chatt up the locals and stuffs like that
Tori: My favourite places are actually the nordic places
Uke: why is that?
Tori: Well ehm they are the funniest and like
Tori: the hottest
Tori: hahaha
Uke: so you like the vikings, haha
Tori: Maybe
Uke: tall and strong, with blonde hair and blue eyers?
Tori: Well I have blonde hair
Uke: cool,
Tori: And my eyes are like green-ish I'd say
Tori: blue sorry
Tori: Stupid phone
Uke: that is as swedish as it gets
Tori: Haha well I don't know
Tori: My dad isn't Swedish
Uke: where is he from?
Tori: Icelandic
Uke: are a vking princes living in Madagascar then ;-)
Tori: Why you ask?
Uke: i am not asking i am just saying, swedish and icelandic= vikings
Tori: Aah okey
Tori: I'm was more or less just born there
Tori: My dad is like an animal scientist so that's why
Uke: ok, do you still live there?
Tori: No
Uke: where do you live then?
Tori: When I got older we moves to New Zealand
Tori: And then I started school so my mother wanted to stay so I wouldn't have to change all the time
Uke: so you are a madagascarian scandinavian living in New Zealand
Tori: If you want to up it that way yes I geuss
Tori: haha
Uke: grate then
Tori: So tell me how do you look?
Uke: i am 195 cm tall blonde hair, and i have one blue eye, and one greenish (made out of glass), my hair is blonde,
Tori: You have dubble blonde hair? hahah
Uke: it is verry blonde
Tori: Damn
Tori: How come you have a glass eye if I may ask?
Tori: Feel free to say no
Uke: my brother pushed me while i was biking when i was 5
Tori: Oh
Tori: I'm sorry
Uke: nothing to worry about
Tori: But I kinda like that you're tall
Tori: That's like hella tall
Uke: yes i have noticed , after all the times i have banged my head into stuffs
Tori: Hahah
Uke: how tall are you?
Tori: Like 175
Tori: So that's kinda tall
Uke: we are all pretty tall here in the north so it is all normal
Tori: I guess that's why I like it I guess
Tori: Oedipus complex you know haha
Uke: the motherfucking complecs?
Tori: Well I guess it doesn't really apply to me but mjee you know
Tori: Ehm I guess you could call it that
Tori: It's like kinda accurate
Uke: isn't that the one where we all secretly wanna fuck our parents?
Tori: "child's desire to sexually possess the parent of the opposite sex"
Uke: yup thats the one
Tori: I think everyone has it a bit
Tori: But not to the actual parent
Tori: Just get atracted to someone that's kinda similar
Tori: attracted
Uke: yeah i have heard it
Uke: i heard about someone that called himself Dr. Oswald Erick Dipus
Uke: In other words Doctor Motherfucker
Tori: Haha you crazy
Uke: tell me something i doesnt banana
Tori: You make me wish I was there
Tori: Like in Norway or Sweden or Iceland
Tori: At a party
Uke: that would be fun
Uke: maybe next time you'll be in the area
Uke: You won't be heading to Barcelone next weekend will you?
Tori: I've been there once
Tori: But I don't know it was alrigth though
Tori: The architecture is like the best
Uke: cool, i wont be able too see it, because i am going to Majorca insstead do you know annything about that?
Tori: I dont.. what?
Tori: I've been to the Canaries islands
Tori: That's close?
Tori: not sure
Uke: Cool, i was going to go there, but we had to reschedule and it ended up with Majorca instead
Tori: Oh
Tori: Getting some tan huh?
Uke: it is hard to avoid it, but i am mostly going to try and relax before heading back to school again,
Tori: Haha okey
Uke: so what do you do in new zealand?
Tori: I try to surf and longboard
Uke: cool, id love to try surfing sometimes,
Tori: Yeah I don't know
Tori: I kinda miss the snow
Tori: You're going to hate me for saying that
Tori: haha
Uke: i am not loocking foreward to the snow when it comes
Uke: i am going away for a reason
Tori: Yeah
Tori: Everyone hated me for saying that
Tori: I was like oooh I hope it snows when we were in sweden
Tori: And everyones else said I was cursing them
Uke: haha
Uke: if you stay here for one entire winter, you are not going to look froeward to the next one
Tori: I have been when I was little
Uke: that is when youi are young, and all you have to worry about, is to not trip when you are skiing
Tori: yeah i dont like sking
Uke: when you are living here and you have to plow every fricken day, and the ground is covered with ice and you faceplant on every second step
Uke: skiing is fun once you get the hang of it.
Tori: Haha I'm clumsy
Tori: not*
Tori: Ops
Uke: ?
Tori: I am not clumsy so I don't faceplant on every second step
Uke: i might be overexciting a little bit, but you are gonna fall, a lot through that winter, no matter how good you are, and it is going to look
hilarious for anyone waching
Tori: Hahah
Tori: I've been to sweden at winter
Tori: I knooooww xD
Uke: do you think that man that allways fucks up is still watching?
Tori: That would be weird
Uke: yeah it would
Uke: how long have we been talking?
Tori: an hour?
Uke: even longer i think
Tori: I was like "ooooooh hello" when you said you where from Norway
Uke: and the time just fleew by after that
Tori: More or less yeah
Tori: And oh yeah we did stories
Tori: That was fun
Uke: yeah two very sad storries
Tori: Witch ones?
Uke: your was more creepy then sad.
Uke: and the chinese fairy tail was a bit sad, because of the ending,
Uke: but mine had a unicorn in it so that one was ok
Tori: Hahah
Tori: it was just based on one
Tori: But I like the ending because it's not sad or happy
Tori: So what music do you like?
Uke: i like most music as long as it is god
Uke: i am listening to Queen right now
Uke: you?
Tori: Oh
Tori: I like Indie and rock and stop like that
Tori: Do you like lana del ray?
Uke: never heard of it
Uke: sounds good
Tori: Radio - Lana Del Rey
Tori: Listen to that song
Tori: It really starts at 0.35
Uke: sounds cool
Tori: Yeah just imagine being high
Tori: listening to that song
Uke: OMG IT IS AMAIZING Ø-Ø IT IS AWESOME
Uke: is what i wold have said had i been high
Tori: haha
Tori: I was going to say something else but
Tori: ehm it make be awkward
Tori: might*
Uke: what,
Uke: i like awkward,
Uke: you just made it more awkward by saying you wanted to say something awkward
Tori: Hahah
Tori: okey
Tori: But It was like
Uke: like what?
Tori: ehm
Tori: Imagine having sex to that song while being high
Tori: I don't know it's sooooo wierd
Tori: I am
Tori: I meant
Uke: nah that wasn't weird
Uke: i say stuffs like that all the time
Uke: and tat would make it even more amaizing
Uke: have you ever done that? ;-)
Tori: have sex? haha
Tori: yeeeah?
Tori: Haven't you?
Uke: while high to that song i meant
Uke: and yes i have
Tori: No not to that song
Tori: I just recently found it
Uke: but you have had sex while high, to a song?
Tori: Yeah
Uke: fricken stone
Uke: r
Tori: The best one that I can remember was In the Flowers by Animal Collecive
Tori: Hahah
Tori: Dude I don't know
Tori: Sometimes Im just soooo bored
Uke: that song sounds like someone having sex on a rubber mattress
Tori: which?
Uke: the intro of that song it is getting better now
Tori: I don't know I like wierd music
Tori: Strange question but do you know any Norwegian indie music or something?
Uke: you have jsut been smoking to much
Uke: no i do not, i am not mouch into norwegian music
Uke: *much
Uke: i prefer english or american
Tori: Hey i dont somke tghat much
Tori: that
Tori: Brb 2 min
Tori: Please dont go
Uke: ok
Tori: bacj
Tori: back
Uke: what were you doing?
Tori: Well I was in bed and it was getting hot so I opened a window and changed some cloths
Tori: It's morning here
Uke: it is 10.20 in the night here
Tori: it's 9am
Tori: so its 10pm for you guys
Uke: yes
Uke: what day is it right now?
Tori: Friday
Uke: i am still on tuesday
Uke: so you are 11 hours ahead of me
Tori: Yeah
Uke: wibbly wobbly timy whymy
Tori: O_o
Tori: haha
Tori: Tell me the weirdest song you like
Uke: the fox
Uke: its like being on ecstasy
Tori: Haha
Tori: What the fox says?
Uke: ringididndingding
Tori: No ones knows what thety say
Tori: they
Uke: actually they bark in a very specific way that almost sounds like someone is getting raped
Tori: What the
Tori: hahah
Tori: You're hella wierd
Tori: I love it
Uke: thanks
Uke: i try as hard as i can to seem so inzane as possibleand you know, wait what is that a coffee machine?
Tori: I wouldn't drink coffee if I where you
Uke: why not
Tori: Are you going to sleep soon or?
Uke: true, but someone just started making coffie
Uke: and i dont know who it is
Tori: The smell huh?
Uke: one moment ill check
Tori: Oke
Uke: it was my step dad
Tori: Oh
Tori: This late
Uke: yeah
Tori: So do you not have school tomorrow?
Uke: no i dont
Tori: Oh
Tori: I'm still completely Xxx in bed
Uke: haha
Tori: The cold only made it better
Tori: and more cozy
Uke: i love crazy
Tori: I said cozy
Tori: You crazy Xxxxx
Uke: haha
Uke: oh
Uke: i read it a little too fast, my one eye is working overtime
Tori: Haha
Tori: Maan you're making me wanna travel so bad
Uke: so you want to come here?
Tori: Yeah
Tori: Norway would be nice
Tori: I have some swedish friends that work there
Uke: damn imigrants
Tori: Haha
Uke: taking ur jubz
Tori: Where did you live in norway again?
Uke: the south norway
Tori: Xxxx Xxxxx?
Uke: yup
Tori: Haha nice
Tori: I know someone from the Netherlands that live there
Uke: cool
Tori: But I guess she's older thne you
Tori: then*
Uke: She probably is but, do you know any more specifically where she lives?
Tori: Oh I thought it was one town
Tori: haha
Tori: Sorry
Uke: no it is like one big area it is one fylke one out of 14
Tori: Yeah
Tori: I understand
Uke: where in new zealand do youlive?
Tori: Wellington
Tori: It's the capital
Uke: cool
Uke: then i almost know where it is
Tori: Almost haha
Uke: it is in the far north on the biggest of the two islands isnt it?
Tori: Far south on the small one
Tori: haha
Tori: So it's close but yeah
Uke: seriusly, damn
Tori: Haha yeah
Uke: where in sweden are your fammely from?
Tori: It's kinda close to the boarder
Tori: to norway
Tori: Do you know Arvika?
Uke: i know it i have never been that far into sweeden tough,
Tori: Oh I see
Tori: But we mostly spend time next to varnern
Tori: If you know it
Tori: Well Värnern there
Uke: ? what
Tori: It's the biggest lake in sweden
Uke: Oh i dont know annything about the lakes, it that doesnt show up on the google maps
Tori: it doesnt
Tori: oh
Uke: and it is written Vänern
Tori: Vänern yes
Uke: yes
Tori: Found it?
Uke: yes i have
Tori: Sorry I'm back had to take my pants off
Tori: haha
Uke: might i ask why?
Tori: It was getting warm in the bed
Uke: ok, one moment agoy you said it was a little cold and now you are to hot
Tori: No I opened a window to make it colder
Uke: ok that was it
Tori: Haha yeah
Uke: Do you have kik, my internett will go out in a few minutes, so if we are going to keep talking i can do it from the 3g pn my phone
Tori: Sure
Uke: what is your name?
Tori: Give me yours
Uke: ok
Uke: xxxxxxxxx
Tori: hahahah
Tori: Cute
Uke: ok i got your message i think
Tori: Xxxxx Xxxx?
Tori: Yes
Uke: yes
Uke: and i have responded
Tori: So are you going to disconnecct or?
Uke: do you want me to?
Tori: Doesn't matter
Tori: I'm just going to stay in bed for like 10 min
Tori: then I'm going out or something
Uke: ok then
Tori: Alrigth talk on kik
Uke has disconnected
anonymous chat (cont)
note: these are actual chats between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying, and anyone can end the conversation at any time. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited
Question to discuss:
will you tell me a secret about yourself?
Tori: I'm gay.
Uke: Why is that a secret?
Tori: Judgmental family :/
Uke: You shouldn't feel like you have anything to hide about your sexuality
Uke: Oh, I understand
Uke: I feel for you
Tori: Tell that to my mother.
Uke: I shoplifted over $1000 in merchandise once
Tori: Holy---
Uke: I'm not proud of it
Tori: How
Tori: I
Tori: I don't even know anymore.
Tori has disconnected
Question to discuss:
do you tell lies?
Uke: I do
Tori: Yes
Tori: my dick is very large
Uke: My..um
Uke: Something is very large as well
Uke: Bam
Uke: Lied
Tori: me too
Tori: now i lied again
Uke: Wait, what?
Tori: i lied that i lied
Tori: again!
Tori: i lied that i lied that i lied
Uke: Wait stop, Its morning time
Uke: Please don't kill my brain
Uke: I have class in an hour
Tori: hmm
Tori: cool
Uke: That was not a lie
Uke: TRUTH
Uke: I feel better..
Tori: i know
Uke: How do you know?
Tori: bcause you told me to stop with the lies
Tori: so i didnt expect it would be a lie when you told me you had school
Tori: Are you a boy
Uke: Um..I'm a dog.
Uke: Not a boy.
Tori: i need to poo
Tori: can i poo on your face?
Uke: Bleh no, gross
Tori: oh ok
Tori: why not
Uke: Its gross and I'm not letting any guy do that
Tori: oh
Tori: are you a girl
Uke: Um..still a dog?
Tori: So you would let girls poo on your face?
Tori: why Only girls?
Uke: No! Wait, okay, I wouldn't let anything do that to me.
Tori: Oh crap
Uke: Rephrased. New and improved!
Tori: but you have never experienced it, maybe you would like it
Uke: If I think its gross when guys belch then I can imagine what you're asking is 100x worse
Tori: So girls are allowed to poo?
Tori: why only girls dude
Uke: Mister..Please..stop.
Tori: Ok
Tori: but you dont give an answer
Tori: are you a boy or girl
Tori: i dont wanna be a gay here with a boy
Uke: I am a girl alright? Not a dog...happy?
Uke: If only though..
Tori: you werent serious
Uke: I'd be the best dog. Ever.
Tori: and answered with dog
Tori: so i wasnt serious too
Tori: you get what you earn
Uke: Wait, wait, I'll be serious
Uke: Ask anything
Uke: Really, I'll be serious with my answers
Uke: Another chance?
Tori: yeah
Tori: do you like me
Tori: why didnt you disconnect
Tori: bcause i acted pervy and creepy?
Uke: I like everyone until they prove to be mean, I don't care if you acted pervy or creepy, I'm just assuming you're a kidder
Tori: im 22
Tori: acting like 12
Uke: I guess I was acting like I was 6..not sure what age kids act like animals
Tori: so what is your age
Uke: I am 16 years old, sir.
Tori: oh god
Tori: I will got arrested now
Uke: For what? :P
Tori: for talking and using bad words with an under age girl
Uke: Hey! Hold on, you're thinking that 'cause you said a few bad things that you'll get arrested?
Tori: no
Tori: but whatever
Tori: i was kidding with you
Uke: Uh-huh...I can believe that.
Tori: arent you late for school
Uke: No..my school starts at 8:15 am
Uke: Its 7:17am
Uke: right
Uke: now
Tori: its 2.18 pm here
Uke: Where do you live?
Tori: amsterdam
Uke: I see..well I'm a bit..farther than that but cool beans :>
Tori: In the us right
Uke: Yeah
Tori: you are cool
Uke: YOU are super-duper :D
Uke: Honestly.
Tori: thnx
Uke: So..what was with the weird stuff from before?
Tori: nobody is serious and leaves after a while
Uke: So..you want them to leave? :P
Tori: No
Tori: even if i treat people seriously,they leave
Uke: oh come on, I wouldn't leave either way
Uke: You sound interesting, really.
Tori: i am sorry
Uke: Sorry for what?
Tori: i always um tale the wrong people
Tori: take*
Uke: I don't..understand
Uke: What do you mean?
Tori: i mean you are a good person right now
Tori: but didnt know that at the begin of this convo
Tori: i thought everyone is the same here
Tori: so i messed with everybody
Tori: well you didnt deserve that from me
Uke: Aww you still don't have to be sorry
Uke: I should be sorry myself for not being serious from before, I thought we were being silly on purpose for fun .-.
Tori: its ok
Uke: Besides, its not like you being silly was new to me. Boys in highschool do stuff similar to this
Uke: Unfortunately
Tori: i am not like those bos
Tori: boud
Tori: boys
Tori: boyd
Uke: Well I am glad, they tire me out sometimes
Tori: do you have kik
Uke: I don't...waiting for a new phone, until then..I'm sort of stuck with a older android that can't find things on the market
Uke: Oh well. Sorry though.
Tori: Oh
Tori: so i cant talk with you anymore
Tori: thats bad
Uke: Sort of, yeah..
Uke: See, I'm stuck with just an email and old man Skype. Poor guy.
Tori has disconnected
Question to discuss:
truth or dare?
Uke: truth
Tori: first time have sex how it happened?
Uke: I was with my girlfriend in her room and we just did it, prior to that i had to finger her a lot to get her loose, since her hymen was still in tact, so we knew we were going to have sex prior to meeting up
Tori: truth
Uke: same question
Tori: never had sex
Uke: truth
Tori: attitude towards god
Uke: I believe in him, but I don't really believe in the notion of going to church consistently
Uke: *him/her
Uke: *it
Tori: what to do mean by believe in
Uke: i believe in the existence of a god
Uke: do you?
Tori: i don't
Uke: why?
Tori: atheist family
Uke: ah fair enough
Tori: i don't see god's arrangement in the world
Tori: just chances and probabilities
Uke has disconnected
Question to discuss:
will you tell me a secret about yourself?
Tori: I'm gay.
Uke: Why is that a secret?
Tori: Judgmental family :/
Uke: You shouldn't feel like you have anything to hide about your sexuality
Uke: Oh, I understand
Uke: I feel for you
Tori: Tell that to my mother.
Uke: I shoplifted over $1000 in merchandise once
Tori: Holy---
Uke: I'm not proud of it
Tori: How
Tori: I
Tori: I don't even know anymore.
Tori has disconnected
Question to discuss:
do you tell lies?
Uke: I do
Tori: Yes
Tori: my dick is very large
Uke: My..um
Uke: Something is very large as well
Uke: Bam
Uke: Lied
Tori: me too
Tori: now i lied again
Uke: Wait, what?
Tori: i lied that i lied
Tori: again!
Tori: i lied that i lied that i lied
Uke: Wait stop, Its morning time
Uke: Please don't kill my brain
Uke: I have class in an hour
Tori: hmm
Tori: cool
Uke: That was not a lie
Uke: TRUTH
Uke: I feel better..
Tori: i know
Uke: How do you know?
Tori: bcause you told me to stop with the lies
Tori: so i didnt expect it would be a lie when you told me you had school
Tori: Are you a boy
Uke: Um..I'm a dog.
Uke: Not a boy.
Tori: i need to poo
Tori: can i poo on your face?
Uke: Bleh no, gross
Tori: oh ok
Tori: why not
Uke: Its gross and I'm not letting any guy do that
Tori: oh
Tori: are you a girl
Uke: Um..still a dog?
Tori: So you would let girls poo on your face?
Tori: why Only girls?
Uke: No! Wait, okay, I wouldn't let anything do that to me.
Tori: Oh crap
Uke: Rephrased. New and improved!
Tori: but you have never experienced it, maybe you would like it
Uke: If I think its gross when guys belch then I can imagine what you're asking is 100x worse
Tori: So girls are allowed to poo?
Tori: why only girls dude
Uke: Mister..Please..stop.
Tori: Ok
Tori: but you dont give an answer
Tori: are you a boy or girl
Tori: i dont wanna be a gay here with a boy
Uke: I am a girl alright? Not a dog...happy?
Uke: If only though..
Tori: you werent serious
Uke: I'd be the best dog. Ever.
Tori: and answered with dog
Tori: so i wasnt serious too
Tori: you get what you earn
Uke: Wait, wait, I'll be serious
Uke: Ask anything
Uke: Really, I'll be serious with my answers
Uke: Another chance?
Tori: yeah
Tori: do you like me
Tori: why didnt you disconnect
Tori: bcause i acted pervy and creepy?
Uke: I like everyone until they prove to be mean, I don't care if you acted pervy or creepy, I'm just assuming you're a kidder
Tori: im 22
Tori: acting like 12
Uke: I guess I was acting like I was 6..not sure what age kids act like animals
Tori: so what is your age
Uke: I am 16 years old, sir.
Tori: oh god
Tori: I will got arrested now
Uke: For what? :P
Tori: for talking and using bad words with an under age girl
Uke: Hey! Hold on, you're thinking that 'cause you said a few bad things that you'll get arrested?
Tori: no
Tori: but whatever
Tori: i was kidding with you
Uke: Uh-huh...I can believe that.
Tori: arent you late for school
Uke: No..my school starts at 8:15 am
Uke: Its 7:17am
Uke: right
Uke: now
Tori: its 2.18 pm here
Uke: Where do you live?
Tori: amsterdam
Uke: I see..well I'm a bit..farther than that but cool beans :>
Tori: In the us right
Uke: Yeah
Tori: you are cool
Uke: YOU are super-duper :D
Uke: Honestly.
Tori: thnx
Uke: So..what was with the weird stuff from before?
Tori: nobody is serious and leaves after a while
Uke: So..you want them to leave? :P
Tori: No
Tori: even if i treat people seriously,they leave
Uke: oh come on, I wouldn't leave either way
Uke: You sound interesting, really.
Tori: i am sorry
Uke: Sorry for what?
Tori: i always um tale the wrong people
Tori: take*
Uke: I don't..understand
Uke: What do you mean?
Tori: i mean you are a good person right now
Tori: but didnt know that at the begin of this convo
Tori: i thought everyone is the same here
Tori: so i messed with everybody
Tori: well you didnt deserve that from me
Uke: Aww you still don't have to be sorry
Uke: I should be sorry myself for not being serious from before, I thought we were being silly on purpose for fun .-.
Tori: its ok
Uke: Besides, its not like you being silly was new to me. Boys in highschool do stuff similar to this
Uke: Unfortunately
Tori: i am not like those bos
Tori: boud
Tori: boys
Tori: boyd
Uke: Well I am glad, they tire me out sometimes
Tori: do you have kik
Uke: I don't...waiting for a new phone, until then..I'm sort of stuck with a older android that can't find things on the market
Uke: Oh well. Sorry though.
Tori: Oh
Tori: so i cant talk with you anymore
Tori: thats bad
Uke: Sort of, yeah..
Uke: See, I'm stuck with just an email and old man Skype. Poor guy.
Tori has disconnected
Question to discuss:
truth or dare?
Uke: truth
Tori: first time have sex how it happened?
Uke: I was with my girlfriend in her room and we just did it, prior to that i had to finger her a lot to get her loose, since her hymen was still in tact, so we knew we were going to have sex prior to meeting up
Tori: truth
Uke: same question
Tori: never had sex
Uke: truth
Tori: attitude towards god
Uke: I believe in him, but I don't really believe in the notion of going to church consistently
Uke: *him/her
Uke: *it
Tori: what to do mean by believe in
Uke: i believe in the existence of a god
Uke: do you?
Tori: i don't
Uke: why?
Tori: atheist family
Uke: ah fair enough
Tori: i don't see god's arrangement in the world
Tori: just chances and probabilities
Uke has disconnected
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
more anonymous chat
note: this is an actual chat between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited
Question to discuss: truth or dare?
Tori: dare
Uke: stranger
Tori: yes?
Uke: I need to know something
Uke: are you a guy
Uke: I need to know if this is considered as flirting or
Uke: um okay so
Uke: if a guy says like dirty stuff to a girl
Uke: is that flirting..
Uke: or he thinks she's cheap?
Tori: well the second option was a statement
Uke: yes?
Uke: be
Tori: so either hes blind drunk and thinks he flirting, hes a douche and he thinks hes flirting, hes a creep and he thinks hes flirting, hes a jerk and hes trying to be a jerk or hes just a dick
Uke: fhsng
Tori: end of story
Tori: that isnt flirting
Uke: oh
Uke: like
Uke: saying he wants to shower together
Uke: and
Uke: such
Uke: you know
Tori: and only an idiot could make that into the idea of him thinking shes cheap
Uke: ALRIGHT SO HE THINKS SHE'S CHEAP?
Tori: ok, thats blatantly sexual
Tori: ok, your an idiot
Uke: I'm just
Uke: you know
Tori: your using to many lines for 1 sentence
Uke: I don't want a guy to think I'm cheap doe
Uke: shut up
Tori: i just said
Uke: well I kinda joked back..
Tori: only an idiot would turn that into the idea of he thinks your cheap
Tori: hes just being blatantly sexual
Tori: hes saying he wants to sex
Uke: yea he's just a friend so
Uke: oh
Uke: right. all guy wants that
Tori: no
Uke: he's just horny then
Tori: all living things that dont reproduce entirely asexually want that
Tori: to say all guys want sex is bigotism in that you;re saying that males cant control their sex drive
Uke: YOU SURE HE DOESNT THINK I'M CHEAP AND EASY???
Tori: ok, he wants sex
Uke: sorry mate
Tori: he wants sex with you
Tori: he thinks he has a chance
Uke: seriously lmao
Tori: if he thought you were cheap and/or easy he would go drinking with you and try then
Uke: well he joked about um
Uke: showering together
Uke: and empty space in my bed
Uke: and asked if I wear bras to sleep
Uke: and yea
Tori: otherwise hes just abrupt/overconfident/sexually harassing you
Uke: SP FUCKING AWKWARD ONG WE'RE GREAT FRIENDS WHUYY
Tori: have you not considered ever that he likes you in a sexual way?
Uke: dunno I'm not sexy
Uke: I don't think I am
Uke: who tf would want anything with me hahaha
Tori: well to be honest, if you search you can find bbw and bdsm so nothings impossible
Uke: well I always jokingly calling him baby and stuff so
Uke: ewww
Uke: dat shit gross man
Tori: ok if you dont think of him sexually dont call him baby
Uke: but
Tori: just dont
Uke: I like calling him that..
Tori: dont, end of story
Tori: unless you want to be a jerk
Uke: but he's cute and reminds me of baby
Tori: dont
Tori: its a dick move
Uke: well he's shorter so he looks like a baby
Tori: unless you think of him sexually it isnt alright
Uke: jfjfmskvc
Tori: this is the problem
Tori: currently it seems like your at fualt here
Uke: I kinda called him that like 5 times a day
Uke: and asked him if he's alright and rubs his arm
Tori: yes, and its seeming like its your fualt
Uke: I'm just being a good friend
Tori: no, your being a girl who leads him on (wether unintentional or not) and then disregards any romantic/sexual advances
Uke: oh but he's kinda a player so I didn't think it's a big deal tbh
Uke: :-(:-(:-(:-(
Tori: it is a big deal
Tori: the difference between players and people like ^ is that players actually allow the people they lead on to follow the desires that they have kindled
Uke: oh
Uke: um
Uke: so this is all my fault then..
Tori: he shouldnt do that either
Tori: and it seems like your doing it unintentioanlly
Uke: dunno but he likes my ring
Tori: just try to be aware of your actions
Uke: but I like calling him thattttt
Tori: and remember my point about bbw and bdsm, people like things you wouldnt, if your going to do something that can be considered an advance think about it before you do it
Uke: as long as he doesn't think I'm cheap
Uke: and no I'm not fat
Uke: or nasty
Tori: i didnt say you were
Uke: bbw
Tori: is something that some people like and i find disguasting
Tori: i used it as a point that people will most likely find anything with a pulse attractive
Uke: I didn't know that boys like someone easily lol
Tori: your subjegating the idea that males experience sexuality in a way different than females
Uke: don't tell me if I hug or caress someone's face he'll take that as a big deal
Tori: both genders experience sexuallity the exact same way
Uke: ah well
Tori: if you do it repetitavely it can be seen as that
Uke: I'm just friendly.. or nice
Tori: and notm only 'normal' people, transgenderalls, hypogenderalls, hyposexuals and genderqueers experience sexuallity in much the same way
Uke: hypo qieers wat
Uke: alright
Tori: hypo = little
Tori: hypo sexuals are different from asexuals in thatv they find people attractive but experience little or no sexual drive
Uke: so if a guy likes me, and I don't like him,
Uke: what should I do
Tori: straight to his face
Tori: dont try to dodge around it
Uke: that's mean
Tori: no
Tori: its the nice thing to do
Uke: but I always make it obvious
Tori: you're thinking about it in that you wouldnt like to be rejected
Tori: noone likes to be rejected, except my friend reese
Tori: tell him, dont be rude just be honest and above board
Tori: it might seem mean but I garuntee its nicer than ANYTHING you come up with as an alternative
Tori: ill prove it if you want
Uke: so if I don't like that guy, I can't put my head on his shoulder and such?
Uke: alright then..
Tori: just think about your actions and if you dont like him tell him
Tori: other than that anything is allowed
Tori: just dont lead him on
Tori: if you think he might be taking it as any form of advance make sure to tell him
Tori: it might seem mean
Tori: but its better than not telling him
Tori: if you didnt tell him he might try to get you and miss out on someone who would have been wonderful with him
Uke: so he doesn't think I'm cheap
Tori: and the longer it takes for him to find out the more hurt he will feel
Uke: glad to know that
Tori: rule 1 in men when it comes to dating
Tori: unless hes a douche no guy thinks a girl is cheap until she acts like it
Tori: rule 2, if a guy is a douche you are at fualt for anything and everything that happens if you date him
Tori: he may be in the wrong
Tori: but you are still at fualt for dating him
Tori: rule 3, honesty is better than any alternaive you have, end of story, no buts, i dont care whatv your argument is this is true shut up i win
Uke: ok
Tori: so basically be honest and accept what you allowed to happen, it makes everyone happier
Tori: becuase it makes you more aware of what could happen so it generally doesnt
Tori: oh and rule 5
Tori: unless your planning on a 1 night stand dont date anyone you havent known for at least a year without trouble (note = adjust this per person so that it is a time in which you are sure is adequete
Uke: I'm a virgin so no
Tori: basically make sure you actually like him as he is, dont just jump in and try to change partas thatv you dont like
Uke: we are just friends. it's just that lately he always make dirty jokes
Uke: well usually online
Tori: ok just make sure your honest with him
Tori: i cannot stress this enough
Uke: he rarely does that when we're in front of each other
Tori: no matter what you think if you have the slightest doubt then tell im]
Uke: we are just good friends
Tori: that is how it is to you, you have absolutely no way of knowing how mhe feels unless you directly ask him
Uke: trust me I'm not his type
Uke: and well my hands are kinda bigger
Uke: not really bigger but
Uke: so yeah no
Tori: it is when you ignore the '10 sacred rules that don't actually amount to 10' that you create a transdimensional subuniverse in which most potential partners are sucked into upon being introduced to you, it is colloqueally known as the friendzone
Tori: and hands are generally not considered to be the biggest factor in deciding wether or not someone is attractive
Tori: and like i said, sexuality is complex
Uke: he's shorter!!!!
Tori: im a partial masochist for example, partial
Tori: ok, so you know for a fact that he finds taller girls unnatractive dov you?
Uke: well it's weird when the girl is taller
Tori: like i said whzt you like isnt what he likes, you might like similar things but noone ever likes the exact same thing as someone else
Tori: and I dont care if the girl is taller
Tori: sometimes it can be very attractive other times it doesnt matter
Tori: as long as noone is at waist height I generally dont care
Uke: he's below my ears haha
Tori: so?
Uke: it's weird the end
Tori: Ive dated a girl you i was at tit height for
Uke: we're just friends omg I just find it disturbing when he keeps being dirty lately that's why
Tori: stop telling me youtr just friends, the fact that we're talking about this proves that you have doubts so tell him you only see you as friends
Uke: I honestly find him attractive
Uke: but well. just friends
Uke: and I don't call other boys baby, just for record
Tori: ok, so now your just saying that you dont like his personality or something
Tori: OR
Tori: He has fallen into the transdimensional subuniverse but you refuse to see its existance
Uke: he freaking kicked a cat in front of me
Tori: and not calling other byos babys makes it more likely for him to see it as an advanced
Tori: ok, he kicked a cat
Tori: so what?
Tori: i hate cats, they grow feral and kill wildlife
Uke: I LIKE CATS THEY'RE MY WORLD
Tori: ok, hes different
Uke: yep
Tori: if you dont factor in personality into attraction than you fall into the catagory know commonly as slut
Uke: I said he's personality IS cute u shit
Tori: which is, in accordance to rule 7, a form of 'acting cheap'
Uke: idgaf about looks
Uke: ok lies. just a little
Uke: his******
Uke: idk god
Tori: look
Tori: the fact is that if you have any doubts about this, and you do and i know it becuase you're having this conversation
Tori: than you should tell him
Uke: what the fuck no
Tori: if you're embarassed dont tell anyone but him
Tori: and tell him in private
Uke: no the fuck
Uke: I've promised not to swear :(
Tori: you have some form of doubt about this, i know you do since your habing this conversation
Tori: so you SHOULD tell him since its the nicest thing tov do
Uke: no I won't tell him no man
Uke: he is cute but no
Tori: so you wont tell him you dont see him like that
Tori: then you ma'am are a douche
Uke: but I swear to god he's so sweet
Uke: but no
Uke: HE DOESN'T LIKE ME U SHIT
Tori: if you were absolutely certain about that you wouldnt be having these conversations
Tori: you have doubts no matter how small
Tori: so even if you dont tell him directly
Tori: frind a way to reinforce the idea of you being just friends
Uke: I'm sure as hell he doesn't like me. just wondering why he's extra dirty lately
Tori: maybe hes going through puberty
Uke: oh
Uke: but he's so sweet I just want to hugggg him
Uke: but I dont like him
Uke: u feel me
Tori: then wait for puberty to be over, or tell him, or find som e other way to reach the same end result of ensuring he understands that you dont like him that way
Uke: or I'll just keep everything this way
Uke: well I always compliment him saying he's cute
Uke: ha
Tori: in which case you're intersecting with rules 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 and 9
Uke: urghhdcb
Tori: like i said sexuality is complicated and puberty is like a semitrailer driving through your ooriginal perception, what he used tyo like will change if he is currently in puberty
Uke: he knows how to make a girl feel special alright
Uke: he's cute
Uke: a baby cute
Uke: because he's small
Tori: THEN TELL HIM THAT
Uke: wHat
Tori: although hes likely sensitive about his height
Tori: tell him he's baby cute, not just vute
Tori: it will work towards following my advice
Tori: ive had enough of this, your breakings 14 of the 10 sacred rules that dont actually make 10
Tori has disconnected
Question to discuss: truth or dare?
Tori: dare
Uke: stranger
Tori: yes?
Uke: I need to know something
Uke: are you a guy
Uke: I need to know if this is considered as flirting or
Uke: um okay so
Uke: if a guy says like dirty stuff to a girl
Uke: is that flirting..
Uke: or he thinks she's cheap?
Tori: well the second option was a statement
Uke: yes?
Uke: be
Tori: so either hes blind drunk and thinks he flirting, hes a douche and he thinks hes flirting, hes a creep and he thinks hes flirting, hes a jerk and hes trying to be a jerk or hes just a dick
Uke: fhsng
Tori: end of story
Tori: that isnt flirting
Uke: oh
Uke: like
Uke: saying he wants to shower together
Uke: and
Uke: such
Uke: you know
Tori: and only an idiot could make that into the idea of him thinking shes cheap
Uke: ALRIGHT SO HE THINKS SHE'S CHEAP?
Tori: ok, thats blatantly sexual
Tori: ok, your an idiot
Uke: I'm just
Uke: you know
Tori: your using to many lines for 1 sentence
Uke: I don't want a guy to think I'm cheap doe
Uke: shut up
Tori: i just said
Uke: well I kinda joked back..
Tori: only an idiot would turn that into the idea of he thinks your cheap
Tori: hes just being blatantly sexual
Tori: hes saying he wants to sex
Uke: yea he's just a friend so
Uke: oh
Uke: right. all guy wants that
Tori: no
Uke: he's just horny then
Tori: all living things that dont reproduce entirely asexually want that
Tori: to say all guys want sex is bigotism in that you;re saying that males cant control their sex drive
Uke: YOU SURE HE DOESNT THINK I'M CHEAP AND EASY???
Tori: ok, he wants sex
Uke: sorry mate
Tori: he wants sex with you
Tori: he thinks he has a chance
Uke: seriously lmao
Tori: if he thought you were cheap and/or easy he would go drinking with you and try then
Uke: well he joked about um
Uke: showering together
Uke: and empty space in my bed
Uke: and asked if I wear bras to sleep
Uke: and yea
Tori: otherwise hes just abrupt/overconfident/sexually harassing you
Uke: SP FUCKING AWKWARD ONG WE'RE GREAT FRIENDS WHUYY
Tori: have you not considered ever that he likes you in a sexual way?
Uke: dunno I'm not sexy
Uke: I don't think I am
Uke: who tf would want anything with me hahaha
Tori: well to be honest, if you search you can find bbw and bdsm so nothings impossible
Uke: well I always jokingly calling him baby and stuff so
Uke: ewww
Uke: dat shit gross man
Tori: ok if you dont think of him sexually dont call him baby
Uke: but
Tori: just dont
Uke: I like calling him that..
Tori: dont, end of story
Tori: unless you want to be a jerk
Uke: but he's cute and reminds me of baby
Tori: dont
Tori: its a dick move
Uke: well he's shorter so he looks like a baby
Tori: unless you think of him sexually it isnt alright
Uke: jfjfmskvc
Tori: this is the problem
Tori: currently it seems like your at fualt here
Uke: I kinda called him that like 5 times a day
Uke: and asked him if he's alright and rubs his arm
Tori: yes, and its seeming like its your fualt
Uke: I'm just being a good friend
Tori: no, your being a girl who leads him on (wether unintentional or not) and then disregards any romantic/sexual advances
Uke: oh but he's kinda a player so I didn't think it's a big deal tbh
Uke: :-(:-(:-(:-(
Tori: it is a big deal
Tori: the difference between players and people like ^ is that players actually allow the people they lead on to follow the desires that they have kindled
Uke: oh
Uke: um
Uke: so this is all my fault then..
Tori: he shouldnt do that either
Tori: and it seems like your doing it unintentioanlly
Uke: dunno but he likes my ring
Tori: just try to be aware of your actions
Uke: but I like calling him thattttt
Tori: and remember my point about bbw and bdsm, people like things you wouldnt, if your going to do something that can be considered an advance think about it before you do it
Uke: as long as he doesn't think I'm cheap
Uke: and no I'm not fat
Uke: or nasty
Tori: i didnt say you were
Uke: bbw
Tori: is something that some people like and i find disguasting
Tori: i used it as a point that people will most likely find anything with a pulse attractive
Uke: I didn't know that boys like someone easily lol
Tori: your subjegating the idea that males experience sexuality in a way different than females
Uke: don't tell me if I hug or caress someone's face he'll take that as a big deal
Tori: both genders experience sexuallity the exact same way
Uke: ah well
Tori: if you do it repetitavely it can be seen as that
Uke: I'm just friendly.. or nice
Tori: and notm only 'normal' people, transgenderalls, hypogenderalls, hyposexuals and genderqueers experience sexuallity in much the same way
Uke: hypo qieers wat
Uke: alright
Tori: hypo = little
Tori: hypo sexuals are different from asexuals in thatv they find people attractive but experience little or no sexual drive
Uke: so if a guy likes me, and I don't like him,
Uke: what should I do
Tori: straight to his face
Tori: dont try to dodge around it
Uke: that's mean
Tori: no
Tori: its the nice thing to do
Uke: but I always make it obvious
Tori: you're thinking about it in that you wouldnt like to be rejected
Tori: noone likes to be rejected, except my friend reese
Tori: tell him, dont be rude just be honest and above board
Tori: it might seem mean but I garuntee its nicer than ANYTHING you come up with as an alternative
Tori: ill prove it if you want
Uke: so if I don't like that guy, I can't put my head on his shoulder and such?
Uke: alright then..
Tori: just think about your actions and if you dont like him tell him
Tori: other than that anything is allowed
Tori: just dont lead him on
Tori: if you think he might be taking it as any form of advance make sure to tell him
Tori: it might seem mean
Tori: but its better than not telling him
Tori: if you didnt tell him he might try to get you and miss out on someone who would have been wonderful with him
Uke: so he doesn't think I'm cheap
Tori: and the longer it takes for him to find out the more hurt he will feel
Uke: glad to know that
Tori: rule 1 in men when it comes to dating
Tori: unless hes a douche no guy thinks a girl is cheap until she acts like it
Tori: rule 2, if a guy is a douche you are at fualt for anything and everything that happens if you date him
Tori: he may be in the wrong
Tori: but you are still at fualt for dating him
Tori: rule 3, honesty is better than any alternaive you have, end of story, no buts, i dont care whatv your argument is this is true shut up i win
Uke: ok
Tori: so basically be honest and accept what you allowed to happen, it makes everyone happier
Tori: becuase it makes you more aware of what could happen so it generally doesnt
Tori: oh and rule 5
Tori: unless your planning on a 1 night stand dont date anyone you havent known for at least a year without trouble (note = adjust this per person so that it is a time in which you are sure is adequete
Uke: I'm a virgin so no
Tori: basically make sure you actually like him as he is, dont just jump in and try to change partas thatv you dont like
Uke: we are just friends. it's just that lately he always make dirty jokes
Uke: well usually online
Tori: ok just make sure your honest with him
Tori: i cannot stress this enough
Uke: he rarely does that when we're in front of each other
Tori: no matter what you think if you have the slightest doubt then tell im]
Uke: we are just good friends
Tori: that is how it is to you, you have absolutely no way of knowing how mhe feels unless you directly ask him
Uke: trust me I'm not his type
Uke: and well my hands are kinda bigger
Uke: not really bigger but
Uke: so yeah no
Tori: it is when you ignore the '10 sacred rules that don't actually amount to 10' that you create a transdimensional subuniverse in which most potential partners are sucked into upon being introduced to you, it is colloqueally known as the friendzone
Tori: and hands are generally not considered to be the biggest factor in deciding wether or not someone is attractive
Tori: and like i said, sexuality is complex
Uke: he's shorter!!!!
Tori: im a partial masochist for example, partial
Tori: ok, so you know for a fact that he finds taller girls unnatractive dov you?
Uke: well it's weird when the girl is taller
Tori: like i said whzt you like isnt what he likes, you might like similar things but noone ever likes the exact same thing as someone else
Tori: and I dont care if the girl is taller
Tori: sometimes it can be very attractive other times it doesnt matter
Tori: as long as noone is at waist height I generally dont care
Uke: he's below my ears haha
Tori: so?
Uke: it's weird the end
Tori: Ive dated a girl you i was at tit height for
Uke: we're just friends omg I just find it disturbing when he keeps being dirty lately that's why
Tori: stop telling me youtr just friends, the fact that we're talking about this proves that you have doubts so tell him you only see you as friends
Uke: I honestly find him attractive
Uke: but well. just friends
Uke: and I don't call other boys baby, just for record
Tori: ok, so now your just saying that you dont like his personality or something
Tori: OR
Tori: He has fallen into the transdimensional subuniverse but you refuse to see its existance
Uke: he freaking kicked a cat in front of me
Tori: and not calling other byos babys makes it more likely for him to see it as an advanced
Tori: ok, he kicked a cat
Tori: so what?
Tori: i hate cats, they grow feral and kill wildlife
Uke: I LIKE CATS THEY'RE MY WORLD
Tori: ok, hes different
Uke: yep
Tori: if you dont factor in personality into attraction than you fall into the catagory know commonly as slut
Uke: I said he's personality IS cute u shit
Tori: which is, in accordance to rule 7, a form of 'acting cheap'
Uke: idgaf about looks
Uke: ok lies. just a little
Uke: his******
Uke: idk god
Tori: look
Tori: the fact is that if you have any doubts about this, and you do and i know it becuase you're having this conversation
Tori: than you should tell him
Uke: what the fuck no
Tori: if you're embarassed dont tell anyone but him
Tori: and tell him in private
Uke: no the fuck
Uke: I've promised not to swear :(
Tori: you have some form of doubt about this, i know you do since your habing this conversation
Tori: so you SHOULD tell him since its the nicest thing tov do
Uke: no I won't tell him no man
Uke: he is cute but no
Tori: so you wont tell him you dont see him like that
Tori: then you ma'am are a douche
Uke: but I swear to god he's so sweet
Uke: but no
Uke: HE DOESN'T LIKE ME U SHIT
Tori: if you were absolutely certain about that you wouldnt be having these conversations
Tori: you have doubts no matter how small
Tori: so even if you dont tell him directly
Tori: frind a way to reinforce the idea of you being just friends
Uke: I'm sure as hell he doesn't like me. just wondering why he's extra dirty lately
Tori: maybe hes going through puberty
Uke: oh
Uke: but he's so sweet I just want to hugggg him
Uke: but I dont like him
Uke: u feel me
Tori: then wait for puberty to be over, or tell him, or find som e other way to reach the same end result of ensuring he understands that you dont like him that way
Uke: or I'll just keep everything this way
Uke: well I always compliment him saying he's cute
Uke: ha
Tori: in which case you're intersecting with rules 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 and 9
Uke: urghhdcb
Tori: like i said sexuality is complicated and puberty is like a semitrailer driving through your ooriginal perception, what he used tyo like will change if he is currently in puberty
Uke: he knows how to make a girl feel special alright
Uke: he's cute
Uke: a baby cute
Uke: because he's small
Tori: THEN TELL HIM THAT
Uke: wHat
Tori: although hes likely sensitive about his height
Tori: tell him he's baby cute, not just vute
Tori: it will work towards following my advice
Tori: ive had enough of this, your breakings 14 of the 10 sacred rules that dont actually make 10
Tori has disconnected
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
an anonymous chat
note: this is an actual chat between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited
Question to discuss:
why do you always fuck things up?
Tori: Idk...
Tori: i just do
Uke: lol
Uke: ass fucker
Tori: well....
Uke: not u
Tori: ohhh lol
Tori: Asl?
Uke: now go
Tori: ????
Uke: i
Uke: am
Uke: a
Uke: BOY
Tori: well hi BOY lol. Imma girl
Uke: age
Tori: 17 u/
Tori: ?
Uke: 14
Tori: Well hi. Name?
Uke: Xxxx
Tori: Im Xxxxxx. I like ur name :)
Uke: thx
Uke: u to
Tori: :) where r u from?
Uke: aus
Tori: Im from England
Uke: cool
Tori: :) Hru?
Uke: im alright
Uke: wby
Tori: Eh... why u just alright?'
Uke: cuz
Uke: im bored
Uke: wbu
Tori: Just...nothin
Uke: tell me
Tori: Well...can i ask u something?
Uke: okay
Tori: Well....ok. i slept with my teacher....and idk what to do.
Uke: why would u do that
Tori: Because...idk. I really like him. a lot.
Tori: and he would get in a lot of trouble if anyone found out.
Uke: how old is he
Tori: ....25
Uke: wtf
Tori: ik...
Uke: why would u even
Uke: thatr gross
Tori: no its not!
Tori: its just sex
Tori: im not tht young
Uke: illegal sex
Tori: i know
Uke: tell ur parens
Tori: NO.
Uke: have u told ur friends
Tori: no
Uke: ?
Tori: ....idk wat to do.
Uke: who did u tell
Tori: no1. well u but...
Tori: ya know
Uke: so
Uke: uh
Uke: why do u like him
Tori: hes perfect.
Uke: how
Uke: hes old
Tori: no only 8 yrs
Uke: so
Uke: thats gross
Uke: u shouldnt do it again
Tori: not if it was the best sex uve ever had
Tori: i dnt think i will
Uke: how many times have u had it for it to be the best
Tori: ....4
Tori: ewll now 5
Tori: *well
Uke: lol
Uke: with ppl ur own age
Tori: yes
Tori: well 1 was youjgervthan me...
Uke: how much
Tori: *was younger than
Tori: lol
Tori: like...3 yrs
Tori: lol ur age
Uke: u had sex with someone my age
Tori: yes
Uke: lol
Uke: uh
Uke: okay
Tori: haha ur flustered
Tori: lol
Uke: noo
Tori: hahahhhahahaha
Tori: yes u r
Uke: how do u know
Tori: bc ur all like "lol" "uh" "okay" hahah
Uke: llol
Uke: anyway
Tori: hahahah im right
Uke: wat do u wanna talk about
Tori: idk...r u a virgin?
Uke: yea
Tori: awwwe
Uke: its okay
Tori: Ur so cute
Uke: i am?
Tori: yeaaaaa
Uke: thnx
Uke: u too
Tori: Well thanssss
Tori: lol
Tori: what do u look like?
Uke: brown hair and hazel eyes
Tori: :) cute
Tori: do u play any sports?
Uke: i used to play bball
Uke: i hurt myself toh
Uke: tho
Uke: so right now no
Tori: Baseball? or basketball?
Tori: brb
Uke: okay
Uke: u back yet
Tori: I am now
Tori: :)\
Tori: baseball or basketball
Tori: ?
Uke: basketball
Tori: ahhh so ur tall
Uke: im normal i guess
Tori: :)
Uke: wbu
Uke: wat u looks like
Tori: Wellllllll I have like...idk golden brown hair it reaches my waist and is kinda curly at the ends. um ive got green eyes. im short :(
Uke: u sound hot
Tori: ....well thanks lol
Uke: u got a good body
Tori: um..i dance so yeah i guesss
Tori: i mean a teacher fucked me so i gotta be at least pretty lol
Uke: yea haha
Tori: :)
Uke: nic
Uke: e
Tori: wyd??
Uke: im just laying on my bed watching a movie
Uke: wbu
Tori: laying on my bed being bored. lol
Uke: why dont u do something
Tori: like?
Uke: i dunno lol
Uke: watch a movie
Tori: ehhhh the movies are on my desk which is too far away. lol
Tori: im also really lazy
Tori: lol
Uke: wat do u wanna do
Tori: ....idk.....
Tori: do u hav a gf?
Uke: no
Uke: i did
Tori: what happened?
Uke: she dump me
Tori: awwwwe poor baby. why?
Uke: cuz we wanted different things
Tori: awe ok
Uke: wbu
Uke: u got a bf
Tori: no he cheated on me
Uke: why
Uke: wat a asshole
Tori: i know. he...hes who i gave my virginity too
Tori: *to
Uke: oh
Uke: how old is he
Tori: 19 now
Uke: oh okay
Tori: yeah. he...he cheated on me with my sister.
Uke: wtf
Tori: i know
Uke: so
Uke: um
Uke: wat do u wanna talk about
Tori: idk....what do u wanna talk about>
Tori: ?
Uke: how r u
Tori: im good. i like talkiing to you. u make me feel better now. lol
Tori: wbu?
Uke: thats good
Tori: :)
Uke: im still okay
Tori: well whats on ur mind babe?
Uke: alot
Tori: tell me
Uke: lol
Uke: um
Uke: life
Tori: what about it?
Uke: its just boring
Tori: yeah i understand
Tori: do u self harm?
Uke: wbu
Tori: yes.
Uke: why
Tori: i asked u first. do u self hsrm?
Uke: yea sometimes
Tori: what do u do?
Tori: cut? burn?
Uke: cut
Tori: yeah me too. what do u use?
Uke: razor blade
Tori: i use a box cutter
Uke: that would hurt
Tori: yeah
Tori: its supposed too.
Tori: so y do u do it?
Uke: cuz sometimes im sad
Tori: why babe?
Uke: people
Tori: what do people do?
Uke: annoy me
Tori: yeah i understand. :)
Uke: wbu
Uke: ?
Uke: u still therre
Uke: ???
Uke: hello
Tori has disconnected
Question to discuss:
why do you always fuck things up?
Tori: Idk...
Tori: i just do
Uke: lol
Uke: ass fucker
Tori: well....
Uke: not u
Tori: ohhh lol
Tori: Asl?
Uke: now go
Tori: ????
Uke: i
Uke: am
Uke: a
Uke: BOY
Tori: well hi BOY lol. Imma girl
Uke: age
Tori: 17 u/
Tori: ?
Uke: 14
Tori: Well hi. Name?
Uke: Xxxx
Tori: Im Xxxxxx. I like ur name :)
Uke: thx
Uke: u to
Tori: :) where r u from?
Uke: aus
Tori: Im from England
Uke: cool
Tori: :) Hru?
Uke: im alright
Uke: wby
Tori: Eh... why u just alright?'
Uke: cuz
Uke: im bored
Uke: wbu
Tori: Just...nothin
Uke: tell me
Tori: Well...can i ask u something?
Uke: okay
Tori: Well....ok. i slept with my teacher....and idk what to do.
Uke: why would u do that
Tori: Because...idk. I really like him. a lot.
Tori: and he would get in a lot of trouble if anyone found out.
Uke: how old is he
Tori: ....25
Uke: wtf
Tori: ik...
Uke: why would u even
Uke: thatr gross
Tori: no its not!
Tori: its just sex
Tori: im not tht young
Uke: illegal sex
Tori: i know
Uke: tell ur parens
Tori: NO.
Uke: have u told ur friends
Tori: no
Uke: ?
Tori: ....idk wat to do.
Uke: who did u tell
Tori: no1. well u but...
Tori: ya know
Uke: so
Uke: uh
Uke: why do u like him
Tori: hes perfect.
Uke: how
Uke: hes old
Tori: no only 8 yrs
Uke: so
Uke: thats gross
Uke: u shouldnt do it again
Tori: not if it was the best sex uve ever had
Tori: i dnt think i will
Uke: how many times have u had it for it to be the best
Tori: ....4
Tori: ewll now 5
Tori: *well
Uke: lol
Uke: with ppl ur own age
Tori: yes
Tori: well 1 was youjgervthan me...
Uke: how much
Tori: *was younger than
Tori: lol
Tori: like...3 yrs
Tori: lol ur age
Uke: u had sex with someone my age
Tori: yes
Uke: lol
Uke: uh
Uke: okay
Tori: haha ur flustered
Tori: lol
Uke: noo
Tori: hahahhhahahaha
Tori: yes u r
Uke: how do u know
Tori: bc ur all like "lol" "uh" "okay" hahah
Uke: llol
Uke: anyway
Tori: hahahah im right
Uke: wat do u wanna talk about
Tori: idk...r u a virgin?
Uke: yea
Tori: awwwe
Uke: its okay
Tori: Ur so cute
Uke: i am?
Tori: yeaaaaa
Uke: thnx
Uke: u too
Tori: Well thanssss
Tori: lol
Tori: what do u look like?
Uke: brown hair and hazel eyes
Tori: :) cute
Tori: do u play any sports?
Uke: i used to play bball
Uke: i hurt myself toh
Uke: tho
Uke: so right now no
Tori: Baseball? or basketball?
Tori: brb
Uke: okay
Uke: u back yet
Tori: I am now
Tori: :)\
Tori: baseball or basketball
Tori: ?
Uke: basketball
Tori: ahhh so ur tall
Uke: im normal i guess
Tori: :)
Uke: wbu
Uke: wat u looks like
Tori: Wellllllll I have like...idk golden brown hair it reaches my waist and is kinda curly at the ends. um ive got green eyes. im short :(
Uke: u sound hot
Tori: ....well thanks lol
Uke: u got a good body
Tori: um..i dance so yeah i guesss
Tori: i mean a teacher fucked me so i gotta be at least pretty lol
Uke: yea haha
Tori: :)
Uke: nic
Uke: e
Tori: wyd??
Uke: im just laying on my bed watching a movie
Uke: wbu
Tori: laying on my bed being bored. lol
Uke: why dont u do something
Tori: like?
Uke: i dunno lol
Uke: watch a movie
Tori: ehhhh the movies are on my desk which is too far away. lol
Tori: im also really lazy
Tori: lol
Uke: wat do u wanna do
Tori: ....idk.....
Tori: do u hav a gf?
Uke: no
Uke: i did
Tori: what happened?
Uke: she dump me
Tori: awwwwe poor baby. why?
Uke: cuz we wanted different things
Tori: awe ok
Uke: wbu
Uke: u got a bf
Tori: no he cheated on me
Uke: why
Uke: wat a asshole
Tori: i know. he...hes who i gave my virginity too
Tori: *to
Uke: oh
Uke: how old is he
Tori: 19 now
Uke: oh okay
Tori: yeah. he...he cheated on me with my sister.
Uke: wtf
Tori: i know
Uke: so
Uke: um
Uke: wat do u wanna talk about
Tori: idk....what do u wanna talk about>
Tori: ?
Uke: how r u
Tori: im good. i like talkiing to you. u make me feel better now. lol
Tori: wbu?
Uke: thats good
Tori: :)
Uke: im still okay
Tori: well whats on ur mind babe?
Uke: alot
Tori: tell me
Uke: lol
Uke: um
Uke: life
Tori: what about it?
Uke: its just boring
Tori: yeah i understand
Tori: do u self harm?
Uke: wbu
Tori: yes.
Uke: why
Tori: i asked u first. do u self hsrm?
Uke: yea sometimes
Tori: what do u do?
Tori: cut? burn?
Uke: cut
Tori: yeah me too. what do u use?
Uke: razor blade
Tori: i use a box cutter
Uke: that would hurt
Tori: yeah
Tori: its supposed too.
Tori: so y do u do it?
Uke: cuz sometimes im sad
Tori: why babe?
Uke: people
Tori: what do people do?
Uke: annoy me
Tori: yeah i understand. :)
Uke: wbu
Uke: ?
Uke: u still therre
Uke: ???
Uke: hello
Tori has disconnected
Monday, 19 August 2013
taking your own life should not be your decision alone
i think we should try to cultivate a different kind of cultural attitude towards suicide: that like many other big decisions that affect others, it's not entirely the person's own to make
so: if you ever think of doing yourself in, it becomes your duty to consult with the people you know about whether it's the right decision. suicide affects the people who care about you and if you talk to them, you might discover just that - that they care
so: if you ever think of doing yourself in, it becomes your duty to consult with the people you know about whether it's the right decision. suicide affects the people who care about you and if you talk to them, you might discover just that - that they care
Friday, 19 April 2013
a quickfire poem...inspired by a friend
Lisa's poem is here. this was my response
------------
my ideas come in a tumble or flood
like a flash of a lightbulb or a rush of the blood
that reveals what is hidden and finds what it lost
just as sure as cowshit will turn to compost
there's often a diamond amongst broken glass
and i often find it while sat on my arse
so when i do nothing and people complain
'i'm not doing nothing', i try to explain
'i'm mining my musings and and pondering so,
when you ask what i'm up to, i'll say "i don't know"'
but i do, really
------------
quote from A A Milne, illustration by E H Shepard
------------
my ideas come in a tumble or flood
like a flash of a lightbulb or a rush of the blood
that reveals what is hidden and finds what it lost
just as sure as cowshit will turn to compost
there's often a diamond amongst broken glass
and i often find it while sat on my arse
so when i do nothing and people complain
'i'm not doing nothing', i try to explain
'i'm mining my musings and and pondering so,
when you ask what i'm up to, i'll say "i don't know"'
but i do, really
------------
quote from A A Milne, illustration by E H Shepard
Wednesday, 17 April 2013
Workfare Wednesday: Still no pay at the YMCA
Article: http://www.boycottworkfare.org/?p=2428
so i changed an old song a bit:
-------------
Young folks, when you’re stuck in a hole
I said, young folks, you can find a new role
I said, young folks, when you’re broke on the dole
There’s no need to be unhappy.
Young folks, there’s a place you can go.
I said, young folks, you won’t get any dough
You’ll be sanctioned, if you choose to decline
To get nothing for your own time
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll be forced to do work, and you’ll have to behave
You’ll be happy there as our slave
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll be royally screwed, cause you cannot refuse
You’ll be singing the Workfare Blues
Young folks, are you listening to me?
I said, young folks, what do you want to be?
I said, young folks, you can’t follow your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing!
No one does it all by himself.
I said, young folks, put your pride on the shelf,
We’ll exploit you, and you won’t get a job
Now get working and shut your gob!
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll do menial tasks for Duncan Smith to enjoy,
They’ll take men and treat them as boys
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
so i changed an old song a bit:
-------------
Young folks, when you’re stuck in a hole
I said, young folks, you can find a new role
I said, young folks, when you’re broke on the dole
There’s no need to be unhappy.
Young folks, there’s a place you can go.
I said, young folks, you won’t get any dough
You’ll be sanctioned, if you choose to decline
To get nothing for your own time
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll be forced to do work, and you’ll have to behave
You’ll be happy there as our slave
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll be royally screwed, cause you cannot refuse
You’ll be singing the Workfare Blues
Young folks, are you listening to me?
I said, young folks, what do you want to be?
I said, young folks, you can’t follow your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing!
No one does it all by himself.
I said, young folks, put your pride on the shelf,
We’ll exploit you, and you won’t get a job
Now get working and shut your gob!
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll do menial tasks for Duncan Smith to enjoy,
They’ll take men and treat them as boys
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
Monday, 8 April 2013
Saturday, 6 April 2013
what Katy did...
a certain Miss Anchant got me writing letters...here goes. this is a letter to Michael Gove, written in 2016
...........
dear Michael (att your press officer)
thanks for the invite to your tour of the Modern Free Academy school. The flight back from west Wales was fun and of course the champagne and oysters were fab. i really appreciate what a risk it is you're taking by adopting some of the more radical ideas - homeschooling, hands-on learning in a 'real-world' environment, with a dash of Montessori - which must be a pain to implement. after all, the Tories are known to be rather conservative in these matters ('lol') and i take my hat off to your courage and far-sightedness in reforming our failing education system. too many kids these days leave school with unrealistic expectations of the world of work and i'm so pleased you're helping eradicate this particularly form of cruelty.
i'd appreciate it, however, if you could get your people to clear a few things up:
- you took pains to explain about the 'hands-on' aspect and i can see that a coalmine is a real educational opportunity: combining geology, woodwork and physical exercise is a true masterstroke. however, as most of the children appeared to be almost naked, i wonder if you've considered that this might attract paedophiles into teaching?
- you've talked many a time about the loss of family values and i agree: something must be done. i'm so pleased that the kids all eat together. it all went a bit quickly and i couldn't see what was in the pot, but i was rather worried about their lack of manners. some of the younger children were simply pushed aside in the rush. on the plus side, the potatoes and turnips weren't served too hot so none of them got their fingers burned eating lunch. and no plates means no washing up? what a brilliant move: you're putting our taxes to the best possible use by saving where you can
- i was also a little concerned about this 'unschooling' business. i know it's all about the kid's own curiosity, but do the staff have to be so uninvolved? i admit that six teachers to 200 kids is about as efficient a use of teaching resources as i've ever seen, but they didn't appear to do anything but stand around leaning on their walking sticks (as a note: i'll use this to work a 'jobs for the disabled' angle into the article). i'm sure there are many qualified candidates to be had amongst the priests that seem to be leaving the Catholic church in droves these days - most with excellent references - so perhaps you've gone a bit too far on this one
- most of all, i'm concerned about how the coal produced might affect our carbon footprint. i know it's getting colder at these latitudes but my place in the south of France is now unbearably hot in summer
and Banham is definitely the right man for the job. we need more schools run by people with real-world business experience and his time spent running coalmines is very relevant for the task in hand
anyway, see you at Nat's bash in Capri: can you remind Gideon to keep his mouth shut next time? last time he blabbed to the press about Mandelson and that Deripaska bloke and i had to pull in a few favours to stop that one 'going viral', as they say these days
cheers, Paul Dacre
-----------
with thanks to Emma for the inspiration
...........
dear Michael (att your press officer)
thanks for the invite to your tour of the Modern Free Academy school. The flight back from west Wales was fun and of course the champagne and oysters were fab. i really appreciate what a risk it is you're taking by adopting some of the more radical ideas - homeschooling, hands-on learning in a 'real-world' environment, with a dash of Montessori - which must be a pain to implement. after all, the Tories are known to be rather conservative in these matters ('lol') and i take my hat off to your courage and far-sightedness in reforming our failing education system. too many kids these days leave school with unrealistic expectations of the world of work and i'm so pleased you're helping eradicate this particularly form of cruelty.
i'd appreciate it, however, if you could get your people to clear a few things up:
- you took pains to explain about the 'hands-on' aspect and i can see that a coalmine is a real educational opportunity: combining geology, woodwork and physical exercise is a true masterstroke. however, as most of the children appeared to be almost naked, i wonder if you've considered that this might attract paedophiles into teaching?
- you've talked many a time about the loss of family values and i agree: something must be done. i'm so pleased that the kids all eat together. it all went a bit quickly and i couldn't see what was in the pot, but i was rather worried about their lack of manners. some of the younger children were simply pushed aside in the rush. on the plus side, the potatoes and turnips weren't served too hot so none of them got their fingers burned eating lunch. and no plates means no washing up? what a brilliant move: you're putting our taxes to the best possible use by saving where you can
- i was also a little concerned about this 'unschooling' business. i know it's all about the kid's own curiosity, but do the staff have to be so uninvolved? i admit that six teachers to 200 kids is about as efficient a use of teaching resources as i've ever seen, but they didn't appear to do anything but stand around leaning on their walking sticks (as a note: i'll use this to work a 'jobs for the disabled' angle into the article). i'm sure there are many qualified candidates to be had amongst the priests that seem to be leaving the Catholic church in droves these days - most with excellent references - so perhaps you've gone a bit too far on this one
- most of all, i'm concerned about how the coal produced might affect our carbon footprint. i know it's getting colder at these latitudes but my place in the south of France is now unbearably hot in summer
and Banham is definitely the right man for the job. we need more schools run by people with real-world business experience and his time spent running coalmines is very relevant for the task in hand
anyway, see you at Nat's bash in Capri: can you remind Gideon to keep his mouth shut next time? last time he blabbed to the press about Mandelson and that Deripaska bloke and i had to pull in a few favours to stop that one 'going viral', as they say these days
cheers, Paul Dacre
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with thanks to Emma for the inspiration
Wednesday, 3 April 2013
people like us just don't have like buttons any more
so i wrote the application and sent it off but you know how it is with these bureaucrats they take bloody ages to reply and then it's a load of gobbledegook you need a fucking lawyer to read to you and even then permission can be as ambiguous as fuck and you can still get in trouble. i'd checked all the boxes about hate speech incitements to violence racism religious intolerance and all that palaver and tried to make it sound like i'm all compliant and fluffy and gentle as a fucking mouse but i'm not and i know i'm not and they know that and i know they know and they know that i know that they know and neither of us gives a fuck about all of that, really, cos the poor brainwashed fucker at the other end is surely aware what a shitty job they've got but my guess is that people do it because it's steady work and only a few of them believe it but they just think the other way. they're trying it on with me but fuck them, i'm gonna walk that fine line that could land me in a re-education place but that doesn't scare me any more. i know they're watching me cos they make me jump through all these hoops and i can't even tell anyone about me being on the watch list without them messing me around even more and they might even shut down my internet connection which is fucking hard to live with as i'd lose contact with almost all my friends and that happened to someone i once knew but i can't remember his name or what he looked like
anyway they must have been awake or something because i got an answer within an hour saying something about the tone and i had to fill out this other form which was all stupid psychometric crap and luckily i managed to walk the fine line between a satirical answer and an honest one and whoever read it must have failed to understand the different ways my answer could be read but if they'd twigged i might have been sanctioned for wasting their time. and anyway that's why i can't get a fucking office or call centre job because they only want people who are bright enough to follow the script they all work to and if they've got a knack for giving callers what they call 'the verbal blowjob' then they get to keep their crap jobs. i have a super-intelligent friend who managed to get into one of those places and she said it was like a cross between a sweatshop and a panopticon and she did her best to look and act stupid but somehow they found out probably because one of the others ratted on her for even mentioning what it was like to work in that shithole. they don't want clever people any more unless you've been to one of their expensive schools where they teach you never to do or say anything that can be taken at face value and to them that was like being members of a secret club that you might not even notice if you weren't a member and which they might let you join and get a better job if they could use you but you'd never be one of them...and i've known a few and let me tell you, they're so fucked up and the poor bastards don't even know it perhaps because their constant search for money and status keeps them distracted like poor little victims who think they're oppressors which they also are
so in the end i got permission against the odds but it was a bit of a rigmarole and sometimes i wonder whether the people who decide these things in their infinite stupidity are really just machines designed to sound like a totally porridge-brained jobsworth. but i don't think so - you'd have to be very clever indeed to emulate that kind of stupidity and you could eventually figure out if it was fake but that thought gives me big respect for the women i know who seem to pull that one off with lots of blokes but then again i spose most blokes don't take much fooling when they think with their balls and what bloke doesn't do that from time to time?
argh fuck this crap. all this trouble over posting a fucking facebook status and i don't even know how many people will read it as they still haven't built an app that can tell you how many people have viewed your profile or read your status and to be honest, most of my friends have to go through a similar rigmarole when they want to post a comment and people like us just don't have like buttons any more
anyway they must have been awake or something because i got an answer within an hour saying something about the tone and i had to fill out this other form which was all stupid psychometric crap and luckily i managed to walk the fine line between a satirical answer and an honest one and whoever read it must have failed to understand the different ways my answer could be read but if they'd twigged i might have been sanctioned for wasting their time. and anyway that's why i can't get a fucking office or call centre job because they only want people who are bright enough to follow the script they all work to and if they've got a knack for giving callers what they call 'the verbal blowjob' then they get to keep their crap jobs. i have a super-intelligent friend who managed to get into one of those places and she said it was like a cross between a sweatshop and a panopticon and she did her best to look and act stupid but somehow they found out probably because one of the others ratted on her for even mentioning what it was like to work in that shithole. they don't want clever people any more unless you've been to one of their expensive schools where they teach you never to do or say anything that can be taken at face value and to them that was like being members of a secret club that you might not even notice if you weren't a member and which they might let you join and get a better job if they could use you but you'd never be one of them...and i've known a few and let me tell you, they're so fucked up and the poor bastards don't even know it perhaps because their constant search for money and status keeps them distracted like poor little victims who think they're oppressors which they also are
so in the end i got permission against the odds but it was a bit of a rigmarole and sometimes i wonder whether the people who decide these things in their infinite stupidity are really just machines designed to sound like a totally porridge-brained jobsworth. but i don't think so - you'd have to be very clever indeed to emulate that kind of stupidity and you could eventually figure out if it was fake but that thought gives me big respect for the women i know who seem to pull that one off with lots of blokes but then again i spose most blokes don't take much fooling when they think with their balls and what bloke doesn't do that from time to time?
argh fuck this crap. all this trouble over posting a fucking facebook status and i don't even know how many people will read it as they still haven't built an app that can tell you how many people have viewed your profile or read your status and to be honest, most of my friends have to go through a similar rigmarole when they want to post a comment and people like us just don't have like buttons any more
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