if only

i am your morally ambiguous decision
come back to haunt your elastic conscience
you may try to escape me
but i'm still there
lurking in the shadows of your murky mind

i'm your unpaid debt to that friend
i'm your spineless jobsworth decision
i'm a rung on the ladder of promotion
i'm every time you kept your mouth shut
i'm every time you shouted 'shut up!'
i'm the gnawing itch in your bone marrow
you'll never scratch me

somewhere, there is a list
of every shitty compromise
your shrinking soul has eaten
it's there with the onion-skin slices
peeled tearless from your heart
with every sale
and every bargain

but we are not heroes
ours is no noble cause
we have no war, no great campaign
to balance the karma account
just the endless tick, tick, tick
of life ebbing away

but we are safe
to do nothing of any importance
except sleep the sleep of the insignificant grey
and forget what we once were
or might have been
if only