a quickfire poem...inspired by a friend

Lisa's poem is here. this was my response

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my ideas come in a tumble or flood
like a flash of a lightbulb or a rush of the blood
that reveals what is hidden and finds what it lost
just as sure as cowshit will turn to compost
there's often a diamond amongst broken glass
and i often find it while sat on my arse
so when i do nothing and people complain
'i'm not doing nothing', i try to explain
'i'm mining my musings and and pondering so,
when you ask what i'm up to, i'll say "i don't know"'

but i do, really

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quote from A A Milne, illustration by E H Shepard

Workfare Wednesday: Still no pay at the YMCA

Article: http://www.boycottworkfare.org/?p=2428

so i changed an old song a bit:

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Young folks, when you’re stuck in a hole
I said, young folks, you can find a new role
I said, young folks, when you’re broke on the dole
There’s no need to be unhappy.

Young folks, there’s a place you can go.
I said, young folks, you won’t get any dough
You’ll be sanctioned, if you choose to decline
To get nothing for your own time

You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA

You’ll be forced to do work, and you’ll have to behave
You’ll be happy there as our slave

You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA

You’ll be royally screwed, cause you cannot refuse
You’ll be singing the Workfare Blues

Young folks, are you listening to me?
I said, young folks, what do you want to be?
I said, young folks, you can’t follow your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing!

No one does it all by himself.
I said, young folks, put your pride on the shelf,
We’ll exploit you, and you won’t get a job
Now get working and shut your gob!

You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA

You’ll do menial tasks for Duncan Smith to enjoy,
They’ll take men and treat them as boys

You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA

i mess about in Photoshop too:





i'll post some more by and by

what Katy did...

a certain Miss Anchant got me writing letters...here goes. this is a letter to Michael Gove, written in 2016

...........

dear Michael (att your press officer)

thanks for the invite to your tour of the Modern Free Academy school. The flight back from west Wales was fun and of course the champagne and oysters were fab. i really appreciate what a risk it is you're taking by adopting some of the more radical ideas - homeschooling, hands-on learning in a 'real-world' environment, with a dash of Montessori - which must be a pain to implement. after all, the Tories are known to be rather conservative in these matters ('lol') and i take my hat off to your courage and far-sightedness in reforming our failing education system. too many kids these days leave school with unrealistic expectations of the world of work and i'm so pleased you're helping eradicate this particularly form of cruelty.

i'd appreciate it, however, if you could get your people to clear a few things up:

- you took pains to explain about the 'hands-on' aspect and i can see that a coalmine is a real educational opportunity: combining geology, woodwork and physical exercise is a true masterstroke. however, as most of the children appeared to be almost naked, i wonder if you've considered that this might attract paedophiles into teaching?

- you've talked many a time about the loss of family values and i agree: something must be done. i'm so pleased that the kids all eat together. it all went a bit quickly and i couldn't see what was in the pot, but i was rather worried about their lack of manners. some of the younger children were simply pushed aside in the rush. on the plus side, the potatoes and turnips weren't served too hot so none of them got their fingers burned eating lunch. and no plates means no washing up? what a brilliant move: you're putting our taxes to the best possible use by saving where you can

- i was also a little concerned about this 'unschooling' business. i know it's all about the kid's own curiosity, but do the staff have to be so uninvolved? i admit that six teachers to 200 kids is about as efficient a use of teaching resources as i've ever seen, but they didn't appear to do anything but stand around leaning on their walking sticks (as a note: i'll use this to work a 'jobs for the disabled' angle into the article). i'm sure there are many qualified candidates to be had amongst the priests that seem to be leaving the Catholic church in droves these days - most with excellent references - so perhaps you've gone a bit too far on this one

- most of all, i'm concerned about how the coal produced might affect our carbon footprint. i know it's getting colder at these latitudes but my place in the south of France is now unbearably hot in summer

and Banham is definitely the right man for the job. we need more schools run by people with real-world business experience and his time spent running coalmines is very relevant for the task in hand

anyway, see you at Nat's bash in Capri: can you remind Gideon to keep his mouth shut next time? last time he blabbed to the press about Mandelson and that Deripaska bloke and i had to pull in a few favours to stop that one 'going viral', as they say these days

cheers, Paul Dacre

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with thanks to Emma for the inspiration

people like us just don't have like buttons any more

so i wrote the application and sent it off but you know how it is with these bureaucrats they take bloody ages to reply and then it's a load of gobbledegook you need a fucking lawyer to read to you and even then permission can be as ambiguous as fuck and you can still get in trouble. i'd checked all the boxes about hate speech incitements to violence racism religious intolerance and all that palaver and tried to make it sound like i'm all compliant and fluffy and gentle as a fucking mouse but i'm not and i know i'm not and they know that and i know they know and they know that i know that they know and neither of us gives a fuck about all of that, really, cos the poor brainwashed fucker at the other end is surely aware what a shitty job they've got but my guess is that people do it because it's steady work and only a few of them believe it but they just think the other way. they're trying it on with me but fuck them, i'm gonna walk that fine line that could land me in a re-education place but that doesn't scare me any more. i know they're watching me cos they make me jump through all these hoops and i can't even tell anyone about me being on the watch list without them messing me around even more and they might even shut down my internet connection which is fucking hard to live with as i'd lose contact with almost all my friends and that happened to someone i once knew but i can't remember his name or what he looked like

anyway they must have been awake or something because i got an answer within an hour saying something about the tone and i had to fill out this other form which was all stupid psychometric crap and luckily i managed to walk the fine line between a satirical answer and an honest one and whoever read it must have failed to understand the different ways my answer could be read but if they'd twigged i might have been sanctioned for wasting their time. and anyway that's why i can't get a fucking office or call centre job because they only want people who are bright enough to follow the script they all work to and if they've got a knack for giving callers what they call 'the verbal blowjob' then they get to keep their crap jobs. i have a super-intelligent friend who managed to get into one of those places and she said it was like a cross between a sweatshop and a panopticon and she did her best to look and act stupid but somehow they found out probably because one of the others ratted on her for even mentioning what it was like to work in that shithole. they don't want clever people any more unless you've been to one of their expensive schools where they teach you never to do or say anything that can be taken at face value and to them that was like being members of a secret club that you might not even notice if you weren't a member and which they might let you join and get a better job if they could use you but you'd never be one of them...and i've known a few and let me tell you, they're so fucked up and the poor bastards don't even know it perhaps because their constant search for money and status keeps them distracted like poor little victims who think they're oppressors which they also are

so in the end i got permission against the odds but it was a bit of a rigmarole and sometimes i wonder whether the people who decide these things in their infinite stupidity are really just machines designed to sound like a totally porridge-brained jobsworth. but i don't think so - you'd have to be very clever indeed to emulate that kind of stupidity and you could eventually figure out if it was fake but that thought gives me big respect for the women i know who seem to pull that one off with lots of blokes but then again i spose most blokes don't take much fooling when they think with their balls and what bloke doesn't do that from time to time?

argh fuck this crap. all this trouble over posting a fucking facebook status and i don't even know how many people will read it as they still haven't built an app that can tell you how many people have viewed your profile or read your status and to be honest, most of my friends have to go through a similar rigmarole when they want to post a comment and people like us just don't have like buttons any more

Black Monday...

Man with terminal brain cancer told he's 'fit for work'

benefit-bureaucrats-atos-killed-my-father-says-13-year-old-boy-

Blind, half-paralysed man dies day after Atos stop his benefits

Ex-RAF serviceman from Lincoln kept alive by portable machine has benefits stopped

Man died while waiting for benefits saga to end

A WOMAN whose disabled partner was found hanged is warning of the “devastating’’ effects of impending changes to disability benefits.

Suicidal bi-polar 'fit for work'

Wansbeck MP shows Northumberland man's suicide note to PM

A “VULNERABLE’’ disabled man who took his own life felt pressurised by changes to the benefits system, says his partner.

Atos scandal: Man found fit to work despite peeling bones

The tragedy of Alice - How the Work Capability Assessment costs lives - its impact on people with mental health problems is more serious than Atos have acknowledged.

Disabled man in 'constant pain' told he is fit for work

Blind woman ordered back to work wins benefits battle

Lung transplant patient's benefits cash slashed from £130 to £21

Grandfather from Carshalton Zan Marseilles told he is fit to work despite traumatic brain injury

A forty-four year old former fisherman who has been suffering with Multiple Sclerosis for more than six years has been told he is fit to work, and not entitled to Employment Support Allowance.

Fit to work Dad had heart attack

Birmingham dad dies of heart condition after being ruled 'fit for work'

Demand for fairer benefits tests as two die

You're fit to work, benefits chiefs tell cancer patient

My ill wife had to fight for benefits up until she died

Benefits appeal woman Cecilia Burns from Strabane has died

Get ready for work: what woman who needs constant care was told - Ruth Anim has learning difficulties, a heart problem and epilepsy. A work capability test by Atos said she should prepare for a job