(written a few years ago but appropriate to post now. sung to the tune of Teddy Bear's Picnic. note: Pilton is the village on the edge of the festival site, and what the festie is referred to when you live in Glastonbury - Pilton Pop)
If you go down to the farm today you'd better go in disguise
If you get into the festival you'll never believe your eyes
cos all the twits that ever there was
are gathered there for certain because
today's the day the middle-class come to Pilton
If you get into the Festival, you'll wish you had stayed at home
If you go down to farm today, you'd better be really stoned
'most everyone's a drunken fart
and they will make you suffer for art
cos Coldplay are the main act at the picnic
Glastonbury Festival
is the best of all
when you really wanna get off yer face
There's lots of drugs and alcohol
and you're sure to leave there in a daze
Glastonbury Festival
all the yuppies and twits are getting completely bent
Three whole days and then they'll go back
to their mortgages and jobs
because they're only part-time hedonists
If you go into the bushes there, I hope it is for a snog
Don't go there for a sneaky crap instead of a filthy bog
cos it will end on somebody's shoe
when they give up on the lengthy queue
and that's not how the middle-class have a picnic
If you get near to the pyramid you'd better be armour-clad
If you get into the festival you'll probably meet your dad
cos he was here in seventy-two
and over there was where they made you
cos he forgot to take condoms to the picnic
Glastonbury Festival
is the best of all
when you wanna remember the good old days
The weather's always terrible
unless you like mudbaths on your holidays
Glastonbury Festival
Donates to charity but now you can't climb the fence
and six days on, the pile of litter
is bigger than the Tor
and we'll be tired little teddy bears
