Barefoot Reporting

Saturday, 5 October 2013

more anonymous chat

note: these are actual chats between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying, and anyone can end the conversation at any time. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited

Question to discuss:
why do you always fuck up?

Tori: I donr
Tori: dont
Tori: damn it
Tori: i fucked up

Uke: because i give up to early

Tori: XDDDD
Tori: xaxaxxa)) I hate my life

Uke: welcome to the club man
Uke: yay :)

Tori: I've been in the club all my life
Tori: huehue
Tori: I don't know sometimes I wish I was 5

Uke: me too how come i've never seen you at the meating
Uke: being 5 would be awesome not a care i the world

Tori: Because I went on the meeting no sure where you went
Tori: Not really sure what you'd do at a meating

Uke: oh i went to the slaughter house 'the meating'
Uke: that explains it

Tori: Yeah
Tori: that's what I meant
Tori: So can we like hang out someday?

Uke: yea we can
Uke: we can hate ourselves together

Tori: Or we'd love eachother but hate ourselfs
Tori: selves

Uke: that works even better

Tori: I don't know
Tori: Sometimes I'd like to just you know end

Uke: nah don't ive them the satisfaction if kiling yourselves
Uke: it wont help

Tori: Who's them?
Tori: And why would I care about them?

Uke: i dont know i just like to talk that way

Tori: Oh

Uke: yaaaaaaaaaaay,

Tori: So

Uke: :)

Tori: Can you tell me who Oliver is?

Uke: he is the little kid in the barrel

Tori: Please continue :D

Uke: you know, the barrel standing at the airport, that hasnt been picked up

Tori: Because no one loves him?

Uke: no
Uke: because people are afraid of what mght be inside
Uke: the think it might be a bomb

Tori: But but how will he get out

Uke: but in trouth it is just a black kid that was abandoned by his 14 year old mother, and that was trying to sneak into a better country
Uke: he doesnt get out
Uke: sooner or later

Tori: So he will die? :(

Uke: securety will get him and they will terminate the barrel before he gets out
Uke: so yes he will die

Tori: Nooes

Uke: but you know what the good thing is?

Tori: No?

Uke: while they are terminating the barrel, they catches the man that smuggled the barrel into the airport
Uke: that man was a the leader of a big human trafficking organisation
Uke: and he was going to make Oliver into a drugaddicted sex slave for some rich 40 year old man

Tori: So where is the magic in this story?

Uke: a unicorn flyes in and revives oliver and takes him to the fairy country where he lives happily ever after
Uke: THE AND

Tori: Mhum
Tori: Well that seems a bit odd he was dead
Tori: wasn't he?

Uke: unicorn magick you know
Uke: *magic

Tori: Oh so Oviler drank the blood of the unicorn?
Tori: Oliver*

Uke: yes but the unicorn was a willing blod donor so it is ok

Tori: That's neat

Uke: Dont you think. :-)

Tori: I do though
Tori: I do

Uke: but tell me what is the thing with that doctor?

Tori: He was only 20 when he realized that he could collect other peoples dreams

Uke: ok

Tori: The only down side of this was that he got addicted

Uke: oh no

Tori: He did not what to live in reality anymore
Tori: Only in other peoples dreams
Tori: That why he became a doctor

Uke: i know the feel

Tori: He specified in childern
Tori: Because they had the most vivid dreams

Uke: 0h god no that is... ghuvwu

Tori: So the day he grew weary of the things he did
Tori: He finally said that it was going to be the last time

Uke: oh good then

Tori: So he though well then I'll just stay for a bit longer this time

Uke: oh no

Tori: So the boy he was operating on
Tori: got extra drugs

Uke: no no

Tori: The dream the boy had was most pleasant

Uke: but...

Tori: The sun was shining and the wind was blowing cooling winds
Tori: After awhile he realized that the sun never whent down

Uke: hmm..?

Tori: And it was then he understood that he'd be trapped
Tori: The boy was dead but he dream did not end

Uke: oh no!

Tori: The doctor started to hate the sun so much
Tori: it angered him
Tori: He desperately tried to find shade
Tori: But it was unsuccessful
Tori: So he gathered rocks to tried to kill the sun

Uke: i am not sure but i dont think it works that way, even in dreams

Tori: You need to understand that the doctor grew crazy
Tori: He could not think straight

Uke: i wouldnt have been able to eather
Uke: id think in kurvs, or like sharp angles
Uke: *curves

Tori: And the only thing he could remember was that when he was a kid he wanted to be a speaceship captain

Uke: oh
Uke: that is sweet

Tori: So in the dream he made up the parts for a spaceship
Tori: and travel to the moon
Tori: For there was the only shade in the whole universe that was the young boys dream
Tori: end

Uke: that must have been a verry happy boy since he didn't allow anny shade in his world
Uke: a verry god story i must say
Uke: loads better then the one i thought up,

Tori: Haha it's fun to do these stories sometimes

Uke: do you ever write?

Tori: Sometimes I write poems
Tori: But like I have some stories

Uke: cool

Tori: Want to hear one?

Uke: i sometimes get the idea for something that could be a cool storry, but by the time i start to write it i just get a new idea

Uke: sure id love to

Tori: It's originally a Chinese fary tail

Uke: ok

Tori: There was once a great kingdom,
Tori: and its great king had a beautiful daughter who passed her days in solitude,

Uke: ok

Tori: weaving garments for the pleasure of her father.
Tori: One day, while she was sitting beside the great river,

Uke: is this an incest storry?

Tori: peering across, she saw a handsome young shepherd boy leading his flock through the pasture.
Tori: Immediately, she fell in love.
Tori: hereafter, she became terribly disheartened,

Uke: better then with his father phew
Uke: why so?

Tori: knowing that, due to her duties at the loom, she would be unable to pursue that love.

Uke: aaah

Tori: The king, aware that by his bidding such despair had befallen her,
Tori: felt great remorse, and arranged for her to marry the shepherd.

Uke: aww

Tori: There marriage was one of happiness from the start,
Tori: and everyday thereafter they grew happier and happier.
Tori: However,

Uke: oh oh

Tori: in immersing herself in her marriage, the princess had neglected her weaving and the great king became angry.
Tori: Unable to reconcile with that anger,
Tori: the great king banished each of the lovers to opposite sides of the great river,
Tori: allowing them only to meet once each year: on the seventh day of the seventh month.

Uke: scumbag king

Tori: On that day, a ferryman would carry the shepherd boy across the river to the princess,
Tori: and return him home at day's end.
Tori: However, if the princess has not fulfilled her obligations at the loom the king floods the river, and the two can not meet.
Tori: The end

Uke: so it is the princesses fault the river is always flooding here at home,

Tori: Haha
Tori: where are you from?

Uke: here i was going on about global worming when it tuns out it is all this lazy princesses fault
Uke: I am from Norway

Tori: Makes sense
Tori: What's your name?
Tori: Odd?

Uke: at first id like to know where you are from

Tori: Madagascar

Uke: hmm that was a first, never talked to someone from Madagascar before

Tori: It's fine
Tori: I can speak some norwegian though

Uke: you can?

Tori: My mother is Swedish
Tori: And I can speak Swedish so

Uke: oh, that makes sence
Uke: heidå

Tori: Bye
Tori: ?

Uke: is that what it means i thought it meant hi

Tori: No
Tori: Haha

Uke: explains why every swedis person i have ever talked to just turns arround and leaves

Tori: huehuehue
Tori: So what's your name then?

Uke: Xxxxx
Uke: ironically, it means short, and i am almost 1,95 meters tall

Tori: Haha
Tori: okey

Uke: whats your name

Tori: Xxx
Tori: haha

Uke: Xxx?...

Tori: I know what you're thinking and no my parents doesn't hate me

Uke: that wasn't it, it is just it is so verry verry different from what i am used to

Tori: Well it means like wild
Tori: Or something similar

Uke: there are so many naughty jokes in my head right now

Tori: Hahah
Tori: like what

Uke: Yr in bead

Tori: Haha

Uke: not a good one but it is one of them

Tori: Yeah well most of my friends doesn't really call me that though

Uke: what is your nickname then?

Tori: Well my second name is Xxx so I'd just make them call me that in school because it was easier

Uke: I can keep calling you that, Xxxx

Tori: Doesn't matter haha

Uke: yea we have talked for this long without knowing eachothers names so it doesnt matter
Uke: how ald are you?

Tori: True
Tori: I am 19
Tori: You?

Uke: 17

Tori: Alright
Tori: You know if you want to I could probably understand Norwegian
Tori: Not sure though

Uke: Tror du at du kan fårstå det?

Tori: Ja det tror jag
Tori: haha

Uke: så flått

Tori: Flått?

Uke: de forstår tydeligvis ikke alt

Tori: Inte allt

Uke: XD

Tori: Jag kan svenska men jag skriver det aldrig

Uke: that is grate for me because i cant read swedish so it is all good

Tori: Haha
Tori: I've been to norway like 3 times

Uke: you have. where did you go?
Uke: i have never been anny longer in sweden then svinesund

Tori: Jesshem and Kongsvinger

Uke: cool

Tori: I don't know what sinvesund is haha

Uke: it is the boarder between norway and sweeden
Uke: we go there for cheap drinks and candy

Tori: That's cool

Uke: it is so expencive in norway so we head over to Sweden to get stuffs cheaper

Tori: Yeah I know
Tori: I've been to sweden a lot of times

Uke: cool

Tori: Do you like traveling?

Uke: i love to travel but i rearly get the oppertunety to

Tori: I kinda do it all the time
Tori: Well not so much now but

Uke: lucky bastard

Tori: Haha
Tori: But I always did it with my parents so uhm
Tori: that sucks
Tori: I mean I love them but you know

Uke: not as fun to travel with

Tori: Yeah because you want to stay up late and explore things

Uke: go to a bar or a club

Tori: Yeah

Uke: chatt up the locals and stuffs like that

Tori: My favourite places are actually the nordic places

Uke: why is that?

Tori: Well ehm they are the funniest and like
Tori: the hottest

Tori: hahaha

Uke: so you like the vikings, haha

Tori: Maybe

Uke: tall and strong, with blonde hair and blue eyers?

Tori: Well I have blonde hair

Uke: cool,

Tori: And my eyes are like green-ish I'd say
Tori: blue sorry
Tori: Stupid phone

Uke: that is as swedish as it gets

Tori: Haha well I don't know
Tori: My dad isn't Swedish

Uke: where is he from?

Tori: Icelandic

Uke: are a vking princes living in Madagascar then ;-)

Tori: Why you ask?

Uke: i am not asking i am just saying, swedish and icelandic= vikings

Tori: Aah okey
Tori: I'm was more or less just born there
Tori: My dad is like an animal scientist so that's why

Uke: ok, do you still live there?

Tori: No

Uke: where do you live then?

Tori: When I got older we moves to New Zealand
Tori: And then I started school so my mother wanted to stay so I wouldn't have to change all the time

Uke: so you are a madagascarian scandinavian living in New Zealand

Tori: If you want to up it that way yes I geuss
Tori: haha

Uke: grate then

Tori: So tell me how do you look?

Uke: i am 195 cm tall blonde hair, and i have one blue eye, and one greenish (made out of glass), my hair is blonde,

Tori: You have dubble blonde hair? hahah

Uke: it is verry blonde

Tori: Damn
Tori: How come you have a glass eye if I may ask?
Tori: Feel free to say no

Uke: my brother pushed me while i was biking when i was 5

Tori: Oh
Tori: I'm sorry

Uke: nothing to worry about

Tori: But I kinda like that you're tall
Tori: That's like hella tall

Uke: yes i have noticed , after all the times i have banged my head into stuffs

Tori: Hahah

Uke: how tall are you?

Tori: Like 175
Tori: So that's kinda tall

Uke: we are all pretty tall here in the north so it is all normal

Tori: I guess that's why I like it I guess
Tori: Oedipus complex you know haha

Uke: the motherfucking complecs?

Tori: Well I guess it doesn't really apply to me but mjee you know
Tori: Ehm I guess you could call it that
Tori: It's like kinda accurate

Uke: isn't that the one where we all secretly wanna fuck our parents?

Tori: "child's desire to sexually possess the parent of the opposite sex"

Uke: yup thats the one

Tori: I think everyone has it a bit
Tori: But not to the actual parent
Tori: Just get atracted to someone that's kinda similar
Tori: attracted

Uke: yeah i have heard it
Uke: i heard about someone that called himself Dr. Oswald Erick Dipus
Uke: In other words Doctor Motherfucker

Tori: Haha you crazy

Uke: tell me something i doesnt banana

Tori: You make me wish I was there
Tori: Like in Norway or Sweden or Iceland
Tori: At a party

Uke: that would be fun
Uke: maybe next time you'll be in the area
Uke: You won't be heading to Barcelone next weekend will you?

Tori: I've been there once
Tori: But I don't know it was alrigth though
Tori: The architecture is like the best

Uke: cool, i wont be able too see it, because i am going to Majorca insstead do you know annything about that?

Tori: I dont.. what?
Tori: I've been to the Canaries islands
Tori: That's close?
Tori: not sure

Uke: Cool, i was going to go there, but we had to reschedule and it ended up with Majorca instead

Tori: Oh
Tori: Getting some tan huh?

Uke: it is hard to avoid it, but i am mostly going to try and relax before heading back to school again,

Tori: Haha okey

Uke: so what do you do in new zealand?

Tori: I try to surf and longboard

Uke: cool, id love to try surfing sometimes,

Tori: Yeah I don't know
Tori: I kinda miss the snow
Tori: You're going to hate me for saying that
Tori: haha

Uke: i am not loocking foreward to the snow when it comes
Uke: i am going away for a reason

Tori: Yeah
Tori: Everyone hated me for saying that
Tori: I was like oooh I hope it snows when we were in sweden
Tori: And everyones else said I was cursing them

Uke: haha
Uke: if you stay here for one entire winter, you are not going to look froeward to the next one

Tori: I have been when I was little

Uke: that is when youi are young, and all you have to worry about, is to not trip when you are skiing

Tori: yeah i dont like sking

Uke: when you are living here and you have to plow every fricken day, and the ground is covered with ice and you faceplant on every second step
Uke: skiing is fun once you get the hang of it.

Tori: Haha I'm clumsy
Tori: not*
Tori: Ops

Uke: ?

Tori: I am not clumsy so I don't faceplant on every second step

Uke: i might be overexciting a little bit, but you are gonna fall, a lot through that winter, no matter how good you are, and it is going to look

hilarious for anyone waching

Tori: Hahah
Tori: I've been to sweden at winter
Tori: I knooooww xD

Uke: do you think that man that allways fucks up is still watching?

Tori: That would be weird

Uke: yeah it would
Uke: how long have we been talking?

Tori: an hour?

Uke: even longer i think

Tori: I was like "ooooooh hello" when you said you where from Norway

Uke: and the time just fleew by after that

Tori: More or less yeah
Tori: And oh yeah we did stories
Tori: That was fun

Uke: yeah two very sad storries

Tori: Witch ones?

Uke: your was more creepy then sad.
Uke: and the chinese fairy tail was a bit sad, because of the ending,
Uke: but mine had a unicorn in it so that one was ok

Tori: Hahah
Tori: it was just based on one
Tori: But I like the ending because it's not sad or happy
Tori: So what music do you like?

Uke: i like most music as long as it is god
Uke: i am listening to Queen right now
Uke: you?

Tori: Oh
Tori: I like Indie and rock and stop like that
Tori: Do you like lana del ray?

Uke: never heard of it
Uke: sounds good

Tori: Radio - Lana Del Rey
Tori: Listen to that song
Tori: It really starts at 0.35

Uke: sounds cool

Tori: Yeah just imagine being high
Tori: listening to that song

Uke: OMG IT IS AMAIZING Ø-Ø IT IS AWESOME
Uke: is what i wold have said had i been high

Tori: haha
Tori: I was going to say something else but
Tori: ehm it make be awkward
Tori: might*

Uke: what,
Uke: i like awkward,
Uke: you just made it more awkward by saying you wanted to say something awkward

Tori: Hahah
Tori: okey
Tori: But It was like

Uke: like what?

Tori: ehm
Tori: Imagine having sex to that song while being high

Tori: I don't know it's sooooo wierd
Tori: I am
Tori: I meant

Uke: nah that wasn't weird
Uke: i say stuffs like that all the time
Uke: and tat would make it even more amaizing
Uke: have you ever done that? ;-)

Tori: have sex? haha

Tori: yeeeah?

Tori: Haven't you?

Uke: while high to that song i meant
Uke: and yes i have

Tori: No not to that song
Tori: I just recently found it

Uke: but you have had sex while high, to a song?

Tori: Yeah

Uke: fricken stone
Uke: r

Tori: The best one that I can remember was In the Flowers by Animal Collecive
Tori: Hahah
Tori: Dude I don't know
Tori: Sometimes Im just soooo bored

Uke: that song sounds like someone having sex on a rubber mattress

Tori: which?

Uke: the intro of that song it is getting better now

Tori: I don't know I like wierd music
Tori: Strange question but do you know any Norwegian indie music or something?

Uke: you have jsut been smoking to much
Uke: no i do not, i am not mouch into norwegian music
Uke: *much
Uke: i prefer english or american

Tori: Hey i dont somke tghat much
Tori: that
Tori: Brb 2 min
Tori: Please dont go

Uke: ok

Tori: bacj
Tori: back

Uke: what were you doing?

Tori: Well I was in bed and it was getting hot so I opened a window and changed some cloths
Tori: It's morning here

Uke: it is 10.20 in the night here

Tori: it's 9am
Tori: so its 10pm for you guys

Uke: yes
Uke: what day is it right now?

Tori: Friday

Uke: i am still on tuesday
Uke: so you are 11 hours ahead of me

Tori: Yeah

Uke: wibbly wobbly timy whymy

Tori: O_o
Tori: haha
Tori: Tell me the weirdest song you like

Uke: the fox
Uke: its like being on ecstasy

Tori: Haha
Tori: What the fox says?

Uke: ringididndingding

Tori: No ones knows what thety say
Tori: they

Uke: actually they bark in a very specific way that almost sounds like someone is getting raped

Tori: What the
Tori: hahah
Tori: You're hella wierd
Tori: I love it

Uke: thanks
Uke: i try as hard as i can to seem so inzane as possibleand you know, wait what is that a coffee machine?

Tori: I wouldn't drink coffee if I where you

Uke: why not

Tori: Are you going to sleep soon or?

Uke: true, but someone just started making coffie
Uke: and i dont know who it is

Tori: The smell huh?

Uke: one moment ill check

Tori: Oke

Uke: it was my step dad

Tori: Oh

Tori: This late

Uke: yeah

Tori: So do you not have school tomorrow?

Uke: no i dont

Tori: Oh
Tori: I'm still completely Xxx in bed

Uke: haha

Tori: The cold only made it better
Tori: and more cozy

Uke: i love crazy

Tori: I said cozy
Tori: You crazy Xxxxx

Uke: haha
Uke: oh
Uke: i read it a little too fast, my one eye is working overtime

Tori: Haha
Tori: Maan you're making me wanna travel so bad

Uke: so you want to come here?

Tori: Yeah
Tori: Norway would be nice
Tori: I have some swedish friends that work there

Uke: damn imigrants

Tori: Haha

Uke: taking ur jubz

Tori: Where did you live in norway again?

Uke: the south norway

Tori: Xxxx Xxxxx?

Uke: yup

Tori: Haha nice
Tori: I know someone from the Netherlands that live there

Uke: cool

Tori: But I guess she's older thne you
Tori: then*

Uke: She probably is but, do you know any more specifically where she lives?

Tori: Oh I thought it was one town
Tori: haha
Tori: Sorry

Uke: no it is like one big area it is one fylke one out of 14

Tori: Yeah
Tori: I understand

Uke: where in new zealand do youlive?

Tori: Wellington
Tori: It's the capital

Uke: cool
Uke: then i almost know where it is

Tori: Almost haha

Uke: it is in the far north on the biggest of the two islands isnt it?

Tori: Far south on the small one
Tori: haha
Tori: So it's close but yeah

Uke: seriusly, damn

Tori: Haha yeah

Uke: where in sweden are your fammely from?

Tori: It's kinda close to the boarder
Tori: to norway
Tori: Do you know Arvika?

Uke: i know it i have never been that far into sweeden tough,

Tori: Oh I see
Tori: But we mostly spend time next to varnern
Tori: If you know it
Tori: Well Värnern there

Uke: ? what

Tori: It's the biggest lake in sweden

Uke: Oh i dont know annything about the lakes, it that doesnt show up on the google maps

Tori: it doesnt
Tori: oh

Uke: and it is written Vänern

Tori: Vänern yes

Uke: yes

Tori: Found it?

Uke: yes i have

Tori: Sorry I'm back had to take my pants off
Tori: haha

Uke: might i ask why?

Tori: It was getting warm in the bed

Uke: ok, one moment agoy you said it was a little cold and now you are to hot

Tori: No I opened a window to make it colder

Uke: ok that was it

Tori: Haha yeah

Uke: Do you have kik, my internett will go out in a few minutes, so if we are going to keep talking i can do it from the 3g pn my phone

Tori: Sure

Uke: what is your name?

Tori: Give me yours

Uke: ok

Uke: xxxxxxxxx

Tori: hahahah
Tori: Cute

Uke: ok i got your message i think

Tori: Xxxxx Xxxx?
Tori: Yes

Uke: yes
Uke: and i have responded

Tori: So are you going to disconnecct or?

Uke: do you want me to?

Tori: Doesn't matter
Tori: I'm just going to stay in bed for like 10 min
Tori: then I'm going out or something

Uke: ok then

Tori: Alrigth talk on kik

Uke has disconnected

anonymous chat (cont)

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

more anonymous chat

note: this is an actual chat between two people who met randomly. they were aware that someone else could see what they were saying. the words 'Tori' and 'Uke' are from Aikido - they're not names. any identifiable details have been removed/edited

Question to discuss: truth or dare?

Tori: dare

Uke: stranger

Tori: yes?

Uke: I need to know something
Uke: are you a guy
Uke: I need to know if this is considered as flirting or
Uke: um okay so
Uke: if a guy says like dirty stuff to a girl
Uke: is that flirting..
Uke: or he thinks she's cheap?

Tori: well the second option was a statement

Uke: yes?
Uke: be

Tori: so either hes blind drunk and thinks he flirting, hes a douche and he thinks hes flirting, hes a creep and he thinks hes flirting, hes a jerk and hes trying to be a jerk or hes just a dick

Uke: fhsng

Tori: end of story
Tori: that isnt flirting

Uke: oh
Uke: like
Uke: saying he wants to shower together
Uke: and
Uke: such
Uke: you know

Tori: and only an idiot could make that into the idea of him thinking shes cheap

Uke: ALRIGHT SO HE THINKS SHE'S CHEAP?

Tori: ok, thats blatantly sexual
Tori: ok, your an idiot

Uke: I'm just
Uke: you know

Tori: your using to many lines for 1 sentence

Uke: I don't want a guy to think I'm cheap doe
Uke: shut up

Tori: i just said

Uke: well I kinda joked back..

Tori: only an idiot would turn that into the idea of he thinks your cheap
Tori: hes just being blatantly sexual
Tori: hes saying he wants to sex

Uke: yea he's just a friend so
Uke: oh
Uke: right. all guy wants that

Tori: no

Uke: he's just horny then

Tori: all living things that dont reproduce entirely asexually want that
Tori: to say all guys want sex is bigotism in that you;re saying that males cant control their sex drive

Uke: YOU SURE HE DOESNT THINK I'M CHEAP AND EASY???

Tori: ok, he wants sex

Uke: sorry mate

Tori: he wants sex with you
Tori: he thinks he has a chance

Uke: seriously lmao

Tori: if he thought you were cheap and/or easy he would go drinking with you and try then

Uke: well he joked about um
Uke: showering together
Uke: and empty space in my bed
Uke: and asked if I wear bras to sleep
Uke: and yea

Tori: otherwise hes just abrupt/overconfident/sexually harassing you

Uke: SP FUCKING AWKWARD ONG WE'RE GREAT FRIENDS WHUYY

Tori: have you not considered ever that he likes you in a sexual way?

Uke: dunno I'm not sexy
Uke: I don't think I am
Uke: who tf would want anything with me hahaha

Tori: well to be honest, if you search you can find bbw and bdsm so nothings impossible

Uke: well I always jokingly calling him baby and stuff so
Uke: ewww
Uke: dat shit gross man

Tori: ok if you dont think of him sexually dont call him baby

Uke: but

Tori: just dont

Uke: I like calling him that..

Tori: dont, end of story
Tori: unless you want to be a jerk

Uke: but he's cute and reminds me of baby

Tori: dont
Tori: its a dick move

Uke: well he's shorter so he looks like a baby

Tori: unless you think of him sexually it isnt alright

Uke: jfjfmskvc

Tori: this is the problem
Tori: currently it seems like your at fualt here

Uke: I kinda called him that like 5 times a day
Uke: and asked him if he's alright and rubs his arm

Tori: yes, and its seeming like its your fualt

Uke: I'm just being a good friend

Tori: no, your being a girl who leads him on (wether unintentional or not) and then disregards any romantic/sexual advances

Uke: oh but he's kinda a player so I didn't think it's a big deal tbh
Uke: :-(:-(:-(:-(

Tori: it is a big deal
Tori: the difference between players and people like ^ is that players actually allow the people they lead on to follow the desires that they have kindled

Uke: oh
Uke: um
Uke: so this is all my fault then..

Tori: he shouldnt do that either
Tori: and it seems like your doing it unintentioanlly

Uke: dunno but he likes my ring

Tori: just try to be aware of your actions

Uke: but I like calling him thattttt

Tori: and remember my point about bbw and bdsm, people like things you wouldnt, if your going to do something that can be considered an advance think about it before you do it

Uke: as long as he doesn't think I'm cheap
Uke: and no I'm not fat
Uke: or nasty

Tori: i didnt say you were

Uke: bbw

Tori: is something that some people like and i find disguasting
Tori: i used it as a point that people will most likely find anything with a pulse attractive

Uke: I didn't know that boys like someone easily lol

Tori: your subjegating the idea that males experience sexuality in a way different than females

Uke: don't tell me if I hug or caress someone's face he'll take that as a big deal

Tori: both genders experience sexuallity the exact same way

Uke: ah well

Tori: if you do it repetitavely it can be seen as that

Uke: I'm just friendly.. or nice

Tori: and notm only 'normal' people, transgenderalls, hypogenderalls, hyposexuals and genderqueers experience sexuallity in much the same way

Uke: hypo qieers wat
Uke: alright

Tori: hypo = little
Tori: hypo sexuals are different from asexuals in thatv they find people attractive but experience little or no sexual drive

Uke: so if a guy likes me, and I don't like him,
Uke: what should I do

Tori: straight to his face
Tori: dont try to dodge around it

Uke: that's mean

Tori: no
Tori: its the nice thing to do

Uke: but I always make it obvious

Tori: you're thinking about it in that you wouldnt like to be rejected
Tori: noone likes to be rejected, except my friend reese
Tori: tell him, dont be rude just be honest and above board
Tori: it might seem mean but I garuntee its nicer than ANYTHING you come up with as an alternative
Tori: ill prove it if you want

Uke: so if I don't like that guy, I can't put my head on his shoulder and such?
Uke: alright then..

Tori: just think about your actions and if you dont like him tell him
Tori: other than that anything is allowed
Tori: just dont lead him on
Tori: if you think he might be taking it as any form of advance make sure to tell him
Tori: it might seem mean
Tori: but its better than not telling him
Tori: if you didnt tell him he might try to get you and miss out on someone who would have been wonderful with him

Uke: so he doesn't think I'm cheap

Tori: and the longer it takes for him to find out the more hurt he will feel

Uke: glad to know that

Tori: rule 1 in men when it comes to dating
Tori: unless hes a douche no guy thinks a girl is cheap until she acts like it
Tori: rule 2, if a guy is a douche you are at fualt for anything and everything that happens if you date him
Tori: he may be in the wrong
Tori: but you are still at fualt for dating him
Tori: rule 3, honesty is better than any alternaive you have, end of story, no buts, i dont care whatv your argument is this is true shut up i win

Uke: ok

Tori: so basically be honest and accept what you allowed to happen, it makes everyone happier
Tori: becuase it makes you more aware of what could happen so it generally doesnt
Tori: oh and rule 5
Tori: unless your planning on a 1 night stand dont date anyone you havent known for at least a year without trouble (note = adjust this per person so that it is a time in which you are sure is adequete

Uke: I'm a virgin so no

Tori: basically make sure you actually like him as he is, dont just jump in and try to change partas thatv you dont like

Uke: we are just friends. it's just that lately he always make dirty jokes
Uke: well usually online

Tori: ok just make sure your honest with him
Tori: i cannot stress this enough

Uke: he rarely does that when we're in front of each other

Tori: no matter what you think if you have the slightest doubt then tell im]

Uke: we are just good friends

Tori: that is how it is to you, you have absolutely no way of knowing how mhe feels unless you directly ask him

Uke: trust me I'm not his type
Uke: and well my hands are kinda bigger
Uke: not really bigger but
Uke: so yeah no

Tori: it is when you ignore the '10 sacred rules that don't actually amount to 10' that you create a transdimensional subuniverse in which most potential partners are sucked into upon being introduced to you, it is colloqueally known as the friendzone
Tori: and hands are generally not considered to be the biggest factor in deciding wether or not someone is attractive
Tori: and like i said, sexuality is complex

Uke: he's shorter!!!!

Tori: im a partial masochist for example, partial
Tori: ok, so you know for a fact that he finds taller girls unnatractive dov you?

Uke: well it's weird when the girl is taller

Tori: like i said whzt you like isnt what he likes, you might like similar things but noone ever likes the exact same thing as someone else
Tori: and I dont care if the girl is taller
Tori: sometimes it can be very attractive other times it doesnt matter
Tori: as long as noone is at waist height I generally dont care

Uke: he's below my ears haha

Tori: so?

Uke: it's weird the end

Tori: Ive dated a girl you i was at tit height for

Uke: we're just friends omg I just find it disturbing when he keeps being dirty lately that's why

Tori: stop telling me youtr just friends, the fact that we're talking about this proves that you have doubts so tell him you only see you as friends

Uke: I honestly find him attractive
Uke: but well. just friends
Uke: and I don't call other boys baby, just for record

Tori: ok, so now your just saying that you dont like his personality or something
Tori: OR
Tori: He has fallen into the transdimensional subuniverse but you refuse to see its existance

Uke: he freaking kicked a cat in front of me

Tori: and not calling other byos babys makes it more likely for him to see it as an advanced
Tori: ok, he kicked a cat
Tori: so what?
Tori: i hate cats, they grow feral and kill wildlife

Uke: I LIKE CATS THEY'RE MY WORLD

Tori: ok, hes different

Uke: yep

Tori: if you dont factor in personality into attraction than you fall into the catagory know commonly as slut

Uke: I said he's personality IS cute u shit

Tori: which is, in accordance to rule 7, a form of 'acting cheap'

Uke: idgaf about looks
Uke: ok lies. just a little
Uke: his******
Uke: idk god

Tori: look
Tori: the fact is that if you have any doubts about this, and you do and i know it becuase you're having this conversation
Tori: than you should tell him

Uke: what the fuck no

Tori: if you're embarassed dont tell anyone but him
Tori: and tell him in private

Uke: no the fuck
Uke: I've promised not to swear :(

Tori: you have some form of doubt about this, i know you do since your habing this conversation
Tori: so you SHOULD tell him since its the nicest thing tov do

Uke: no I won't tell him no man
Uke: he is cute but no

Tori: so you wont tell him you dont see him like that
Tori: then you ma'am are a douche

Uke: but I swear to god he's so sweet
Uke: but no
Uke: HE DOESN'T LIKE ME U SHIT

Tori: if you were absolutely certain about that you wouldnt be having these conversations
Tori: you have doubts no matter how small
Tori: so even if you dont tell him directly
Tori: frind a way to reinforce the idea of you being just friends

Uke: I'm sure as hell he doesn't like me. just wondering why he's extra dirty lately

Tori: maybe hes going through puberty

Uke: oh
Uke: but he's so sweet I just want to hugggg him
Uke: but I dont like him
Uke: u feel me

Tori: then wait for puberty to be over, or tell him, or find som e other way to reach the same end result of ensuring he understands that you dont like him that way

Uke: or I'll just keep everything this way
Uke: well I always compliment him saying he's cute
Uke: ha

Tori: in which case you're intersecting with rules 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 and 9

Uke: urghhdcb

Tori: like i said sexuality is complicated and puberty is like a semitrailer driving through your ooriginal perception, what he used tyo like will change if he is currently in puberty

Uke: he knows how to make a girl feel special alright
Uke: he's cute
Uke: a baby cute
Uke: because he's small

Tori: THEN TELL HIM THAT

Uke: wHat

Tori: although hes likely sensitive about his height
Tori: tell him he's baby cute, not just vute
Tori: it will work towards following my advice
Tori: ive had enough of this, your breakings 14 of the 10 sacred rules that dont actually make 10

Tori has disconnected

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

an anonymous chat

Monday, 19 August 2013

taking your own life should not be your decision alone

i think we should try to cultivate a different kind of cultural attitude towards suicide: that like many other big decisions that affect others, it's not entirely the person's own to make

so: if you ever think of doing yourself in, it becomes your duty to consult with the people you know about whether it's the right decision. suicide affects the people who care about you and if you talk to them, you might discover just that - that they care

Friday, 19 April 2013

a quickfire poem...inspired by a friend

Lisa's poem is here. this was my response

------------

my ideas come in a tumble or flood
like a flash of a lightbulb or a rush of the blood
that reveals what is hidden and finds what it lost
just as sure as cowshit will turn to compost
there's often a diamond amongst broken glass
and i often find it while sat on my arse
so when i do nothing and people complain
'i'm not doing nothing', i try to explain
'i'm mining my musings and and pondering so,
when you ask what i'm up to, i'll say "i don't know"'

but i do, really

------------
quote from A A Milne, illustration by E H Shepard

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Workfare Wednesday: Still no pay at the YMCA

Article: http://www.boycottworkfare.org/?p=2428

so i changed an old song a bit:

-------------

Young folks, when you’re stuck in a hole
I said, young folks, you can find a new role
I said, young folks, when you’re broke on the dole
There’s no need to be unhappy.

Young folks, there’s a place you can go.
I said, young folks, you won’t get any dough
You’ll be sanctioned, if you choose to decline
To get nothing for your own time

You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA

You’ll be forced to do work, and you’ll have to behave
You’ll be happy there as our slave

You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA

You’ll be royally screwed, cause you cannot refuse
You’ll be singing the Workfare Blues

Young folks, are you listening to me?
I said, young folks, what do you want to be?
I said, young folks, you can’t follow your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing!

No one does it all by himself.
I said, young folks, put your pride on the shelf,
We’ll exploit you, and you won’t get a job
Now get working and shut your gob!

You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA

You’ll do menial tasks for Duncan Smith to enjoy,
They’ll take men and treat them as boys

You’ll get no pay at the YMCA
You’ll get no pay at the YMCA

Monday, 8 April 2013

i mess about in Photoshop too:

i'll post some more by and by

Saturday, 6 April 2013

what Katy did...

a certain Miss Anchant got me writing letters...here goes. this is a letter to Michael Gove, written in 2016

...........

dear Michael (att your press officer)

thanks for the invite to your tour of the Modern Free Academy school. The flight back from west Wales was fun and of course the champagne and oysters were fab. i really appreciate what a risk it is you're taking by adopting some of the more radical ideas - homeschooling, hands-on learning in a 'real-world' environment, with a dash of Montessori - which must be a pain to implement. after all, the Tories are known to be rather conservative in these matters ('lol') and i take my hat off to your courage and far-sightedness in reforming our failing education system. too many kids these days leave school with unrealistic expectations of the world of work and i'm so pleased you're helping eradicate this particularly form of cruelty.

i'd appreciate it, however, if you could get your people to clear a few things up:

- you took pains to explain about the 'hands-on' aspect and i can see that a coalmine is a real educational opportunity: combining geology, woodwork and physical exercise is a true masterstroke. however, as most of the children appeared to be almost naked, i wonder if you've considered that this might attract paedophiles into teaching?

- you've talked many a time about the loss of family values and i agree: something must be done. i'm so pleased that the kids all eat together. it all went a bit quickly and i couldn't see what was in the pot, but i was rather worried about their lack of manners. some of the younger children were simply pushed aside in the rush. on the plus side, the potatoes and turnips weren't served too hot so none of them got their fingers burned eating lunch. and no plates means no washing up? what a brilliant move: you're putting our taxes to the best possible use by saving where you can

- i was also a little concerned about this 'unschooling' business. i know it's all about the kid's own curiosity, but do the staff have to be so uninvolved? i admit that six teachers to 200 kids is about as efficient a use of teaching resources as i've ever seen, but they didn't appear to do anything but stand around leaning on their walking sticks (as a note: i'll use this to work a 'jobs for the disabled' angle into the article). i'm sure there are many qualified candidates to be had amongst the priests that seem to be leaving the Catholic church in droves these days - most with excellent references - so perhaps you've gone a bit too far on this one

- most of all, i'm concerned about how the coal produced might affect our carbon footprint. i know it's getting colder at these latitudes but my place in the south of France is now unbearably hot in summer

and Banham is definitely the right man for the job. we need more schools run by people with real-world business experience and his time spent running coalmines is very relevant for the task in hand

anyway, see you at Nat's bash in Capri: can you remind Gideon to keep his mouth shut next time? last time he blabbed to the press about Mandelson and that Deripaska bloke and i had to pull in a few favours to stop that one 'going viral', as they say these days

cheers, Paul Dacre

-----------

with thanks to Emma for the inspiration

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

people like us just don't have like buttons any more

so i wrote the application and sent it off but you know how it is with these bureaucrats they take bloody ages to reply and then it's a load of gobbledegook you need a fucking lawyer to read to you and even then permission can be as ambiguous as fuck and you can still get in trouble. i'd checked all the boxes about hate speech incitements to violence racism religious intolerance and all that palaver and tried to make it sound like i'm all compliant and fluffy and gentle as a fucking mouse but i'm not and i know i'm not and they know that and i know they know and they know that i know that they know and neither of us gives a fuck about all of that, really, cos the poor brainwashed fucker at the other end is surely aware what a shitty job they've got but my guess is that people do it because it's steady work and only a few of them believe it but they just think the other way. they're trying it on with me but fuck them, i'm gonna walk that fine line that could land me in a re-education place but that doesn't scare me any more. i know they're watching me cos they make me jump through all these hoops and i can't even tell anyone about me being on the watch list without them messing me around even more and they might even shut down my internet connection which is fucking hard to live with as i'd lose contact with almost all my friends and that happened to someone i once knew but i can't remember his name or what he looked like

anyway they must have been awake or something because i got an answer within an hour saying something about the tone and i had to fill out this other form which was all stupid psychometric crap and luckily i managed to walk the fine line between a satirical answer and an honest one and whoever read it must have failed to understand the different ways my answer could be read but if they'd twigged i might have been sanctioned for wasting their time. and anyway that's why i can't get a fucking office or call centre job because they only want people who are bright enough to follow the script they all work to and if they've got a knack for giving callers what they call 'the verbal blowjob' then they get to keep their crap jobs. i have a super-intelligent friend who managed to get into one of those places and she said it was like a cross between a sweatshop and a panopticon and she did her best to look and act stupid but somehow they found out probably because one of the others ratted on her for even mentioning what it was like to work in that shithole. they don't want clever people any more unless you've been to one of their expensive schools where they teach you never to do or say anything that can be taken at face value and to them that was like being members of a secret club that you might not even notice if you weren't a member and which they might let you join and get a better job if they could use you but you'd never be one of them...and i've known a few and let me tell you, they're so fucked up and the poor bastards don't even know it perhaps because their constant search for money and status keeps them distracted like poor little victims who think they're oppressors which they also are

so in the end i got permission against the odds but it was a bit of a rigmarole and sometimes i wonder whether the people who decide these things in their infinite stupidity are really just machines designed to sound like a totally porridge-brained jobsworth. but i don't think so - you'd have to be very clever indeed to emulate that kind of stupidity and you could eventually figure out if it was fake but that thought gives me big respect for the women i know who seem to pull that one off with lots of blokes but then again i spose most blokes don't take much fooling when they think with their balls and what bloke doesn't do that from time to time?

argh fuck this crap. all this trouble over posting a fucking facebook status and i don't even know how many people will read it as they still haven't built an app that can tell you how many people have viewed your profile or read your status and to be honest, most of my friends have to go through a similar rigmarole when they want to post a comment and people like us just don't have like buttons any more